I must thank my lovely sister Hildegard for this one:
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS
(because they don't have penises to put them in)
6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
(they're intended for children, but men usually play with them)
7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their asses and they vapor lock) (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)
8. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties)
9. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
10. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?
(so he can tell if he's coming or going)
11. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know......it never happened)
12. WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A MAN?
(because breasts don't have eyes)
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy." Johnny, looking worried and said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day, you'll realize they were the big things.
Please take the time to read the previous post, I could really use some feedback.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:39 AM
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Good morning boys and girls, I have a very long post today. I will be posting the first draft of the Preface and acknowledgements and chapter 1 of my book. It's working title is "An Introduction to Ecclectic Wicca." Your feed back would be extremely useful, also any questions you feel should be addressed in this book would be helpful as well.
Preface and acknowledgements:
Welcome to Wicca. I imagine that you have some questions – otherwise, you would probably not be reading this. I will do my best to answer your questions and should you decide that Wicca is the right path for you, I will do my best to help light your way. This volume is the basics of the religion known as eclectic Wicca – a 101 course. I will not be teaching magick in this volume.
Strangers to Wicca, Witchcraft and Pagan Spirituality can easily become confused. The odd words and customs have many people believing us to be "cults" or strange "sects." I hope to dispel those beliefs within these pages, ultimately, you will have to decide for yourself. I suppose that I should begin by telling you a bit about myself and how I came to walk this path.
I was born in 1959, to a Catholic mother and a Lutheran father, and I was baptized into the Lutheran faith. My father was not a practicing Lutheran, but my grandmother was and my mother was a practicing Catholic. I do remember going to church with my mother once, I was a "High Mass". I remember thinking how beautiful and mysterious that mass was, the ritual of it all being done in Latin.
My mother died in 1968 and my father moved us around a bit after that. He re-married in 1969 and my new mom decided that us "little heathens needed some Sunday school". So I was sent to Sunday school at the Baptist church down the road. I was to inquisitive for my own good and by the time I was 10, my parents had been asked to not send me back. Yep, kicked out for asking to many questions. I had always felt that there was something more – something they weren’t telling me.
The only place I really felt connected to deity was outside. I loved to go into the woods by the creek, I built forts, hunted frogs and would just sit for hours. I rode mini-bikes and motorcycles up and down the trails in the field next to my home, caught fire-flies in the evenings and picked flowers in the mornings. While sitting by the creek one summer afternoon, the Great Mother paid me a visit.
She was a motherly woman, heavy-set, brown skinned, long black hair in tiny braids hanging down her back. What struck me the most were her eyes…she had the kindest, most loving eye I had and have ever seen. She sat with me, calling me daughter, and telling me of the path I would walk in this life. I have and continue to walk this path, I just didn’t know it had a name.
In 1992 I came across a book that changed everything for me. It was "To Ride a Silver Broomstick" by Silver Ravenwolf. As I read it’s pages I discovered that my beliefs were a religion and that religion had a name, Wicca. This discovery set me on a mission to find out all that I could about Wicca. I spent hours in the library looking for books (not many were to be found at that time). I did however, find a goldmine of books at our local Borders bookstore. I began to buy books as I could afford them. When, at the age of 32, I came out of the broom closet, so to speak, my family took the news all in stride. You know how every family has that one member who seems to be a little "different"? Well in my family, I’m that one. Mom always said that I "marched to the beat of my own drummer".
Sacred Mother
I am the Wind that rides before the storm,
the breeze that caresses your face.
I am the Fire that stirs deep within your soul,
the ember that lives in sacred space.
I am the River that flows throughout time,
the rain that quenches your thirst.
I am the Earth in which seed is sown,
the dust of lives gone by.
I am the Light known by many names,
the Sacred Mother of all.
Chapter 1
What is Wicca?
My mom asked, "What is Wicca?" This was a difficult question to answer. I had only just found out that the beliefs I had held all my life had a name. In this chapter, I will attempt to answer that question along with other frequently asked questions.
Ask one hundred Wiccans that question and you will get one hundred different answers. We are an eclectic group and rarely, if ever agree on anything. In some ways, Wicca is the religion of our ancestors, polytheistic or dualistic and based on the seasonal cycles of nature. It is a pagan religion based in the belief of the duality of deity…Mother God and Father God. Deity is within us and around us. We are all connected, not only to each other, but to the whole of the Earth and the Universe. All life is sacred, and it is in life that we learn the lessons for our souls to move forward toward a state of perfection. Nature is sacred, we depend on nature for food, shelter, rain, etc… If we disrespect and destroy nature, we disrespect and destroy ourselves. The Universe is sacred, that is where we came from, where all life began and that is where life as we know it will end.
What is Eclectic Wicca? Eclectic Wicca is generally thought of as any type of Wicca that is practiced out side of a specific tradition. It is essentially the practice of using outside influences in a combination that feels right to the practitioner. A mixture of traditions.
Is Wicca a cult? No! Cults by definition most often involve aggressive recruiting, censorship, manipulation, alienation from friends and family, strict and inflexible dogma. The generally require that members give all their worldly goods to the cult and aggressively "fundraise". These characteristics diametrically opposed to what Wicca stands for. We do not proselytize, no one will come to your house to "witness", no one will accost you on the street and hand out pamphlets. Wicca encourages individuality, strength and importance of family and ecology. We do not want you to quit your job or give up your life for Wicca. We have no central holy book, no prophets or church hierarchy (exception – see section about Covens). We do not believe that we are the "one true and right way" to worship deity.
What is the difference between being Wiccan and being a Witch? As I have already explained what Wicca is, lets take a look at witchcraft. Witchcraft is the practice of magick without any religious connotations. It is the altering of the mundane world through the application of the will of the witch. Wicca is a religion and those who practice it are called Wiccans. Many Wiccans employ the use of magick as an integral part of their worship, however, not all Wiccans are witches and not all witches are Wiccan.
Who is in charge of Wicca? No one. Many Wiccans practice what is called solitary Wicca, meaning they generally worship alone, answering only to the Gods. Some have family traditions so they may structure their worship according to the family hierarchy. Others belong to Covens, each coven is autonomous, governing itself depending on the tradition they follow. In the end, each individual is in-charge of themselves and responsible only to the Gods.
Do you have scriptures? Does Wicca have rules? No. We have no scriptures, no commandments that tell us what is right and wrong. The closest thing we have to a commandment is the Wiccan Rede – "An it harm none, do what thou will."
What happens in a Wiccan ceremony? It depends on the ceremony. There are many different types of get-togethers that Wiccans of all traditions attend. There are Eight standard craft holidays are recognized during each calendar year. They are called Sabbats, their relationship is usually with the sun deity.
Quarters of the year - Fire festivals:
Yule/Winter Solstice (solar festival)
Spring Equinox/Ostara (first of the spring fertility festivals)
Summer Solstice (solar festival)
Fall Equinox/Mabon (second harvest festival)
Cross Quarters of the year:
Imbolc (first of the spring fertility festivals)
Beltane (last of the spring fertility rituals)
Lughnasadh (first of the harvest festivals and New Year)
Halloween/Samhain (last of the harvest festivals)
There are the Lunar celebrations, generally taking place on the night of the full moon. These are all called Circles. There are also gatherings/festivals or Groves that take place (usually in summer) that all are allowed to attend. We dance, pray, invoke, do rituals either handed down from tradition or original, teach, take classes, buy/sell/barter, and generally emphasize fellowship and harmony.
Do you dance naked? Some do, some don’t. The act of worship in the nude is called being "Skyclad". While some solitaries and Covens do, many others don’t. Those that do generally feel that being skyclad removes all rank, all are equal under the Gods. Some feel that clothing blocks their energy. It is generally reserved for formal rituals rather than everyday life. It is entirely a personal choice, no-one will make you go skyclad at a circle if you don’t want to.
Do you have orgies? No, and if anyone insists that you must participate in an orgy, or have sex with the High Priest/ess – run, do not walk, away from them. These are NOT requirements nor should the be. People who insists/practice this are generally posers – those wanting power.
Do you sacrifice humans/animals? No! All life is sacred!
Is Wicca only for women? No, there are many men in Wicca, and are as welcome as women. There are more women only because Wicca allows for a more feminine-oriented worship, or a more balanced approach to deity.
Do you believe in God? Worship the Devil? First off, the Devil, hell and sin are all Christian concepts that do not apply to Wicca. We believe in God, it is just the form that the gods take which is different. Many Wiccans are dualistic or polytheistic about deity, and the face(s) of God/ess that they worship is strictly a matter of personal choice. Occasionally a tradition will teach specific concepts, mythologies and structures. For most deity is seen as a single Godhead, divided into two, Mother God and Father God. They are a balance, representing birth, life, death and re-birth. We see the symbolism of this in the seasonal changes that we call The Wheel of the Year. This wheel allows us to have a deeper, richer and more meaningful relationship with deity.
How do you know which God to worship? It is a personal choice. Many are drawn to one particular aspect of the divine and will keep that aspect for their patron. Some will find that they need the energy in the feminine aspect of the divine for one ritual and the male aspect for another. They may choose to work with both aspects, or with a pantheon. Some find it easier to work with a Greek, Celtic, Roman, etc…pantheon - others pick and choose the representation (aspect) that feels right regardless of the pantheon. I will cover the aspects of deity later on.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:23 AM
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