Monday, March 27, 2006

Two - two - two jokes in one post!

Thanks to my Aunt Karen:

The dangers of Horseback Riding

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over. As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.


Thanks to Kevin for this one:

The Three Bears

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in her little chair at the
table. She looks into her little bowl. It is empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!" she squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He
looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.
"Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he roars.
Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
kitchen and yells...
"For Goodness Sake, how many times do we have to go through
this with you idiots?
It was Mummy Bear who got up first,
it was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house,
it was Mummy Bear who made the coffee,
it was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last
night, and put everything away,
it was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air
to fetch the newspaper,
it was Mummy Bear who set the damn table,
it was Mummy Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the
litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish,
and now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses
downstairs and grace Mummy Bear's kitchen with your Grumpy presence,
listen good, coz I'm only going to say this one more time...
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!"

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:41 AM

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