I don't mind fall - I just wish the fucking weather would make up it's mind - it's playing hell with my sinus'.
Thursday night I went out - 95 WILL Rock - a Local radio station - was doing a live feed from the Pit. It was packed! I ran into my buddy Ed, just before last call we left the Pit and went to the Lights. The Lights is open an hour later than the Pit. We had a couple more beers there, after we left, he caused me to do something that - well - I'm quite frankly ashamed to admit...
He caused me to...eat a double cheeseburger...at 2:00 a.m.!!!!!! I am so fucking weak! Oh it started out innocently enough, he asked me to take him to McDonalds before I dropped him off. I told him it wouldn't be a problem, we pull up to the drive up, he asks if I want any thing. Before I could stop my self, I order a double cheese burger from the dollar menu. I tell myself, I'll save, I'll eat it for lunch. I drop him off at his place. I pull around the corner, pull over, and devour the cheeseburger. I feel so weak, so cheap, so easy. I don't want to go home, I can't face myself. I go over and visit my ex-boyfriend Rob instead. I drink a beer and get laid (3 times). When I wake up I am feeling much better about myself, after all, it was only a fucking cheeseburger.
Friday night my roommate Hope and I went out to the lights. We ran into Ed and his new squeeze. I like this one, she's a keeper. I really hope things work out between them. We all drank a bit, did some dancing, Hope and the New girl both sang. It was fun for all. I went to the Pit for awhile. Then it was back to Robs.
Saturday was a lazy day - slept in late. Robe came over. We watched movies all day, he stayed the night.
Sunday I took him home. We were cooking brunch when I get a call the Hope had been in a car accident. I left his place and ended up spending 8 and 1/2 house in the emergency room with her. She is fine, but does have 8 stiches in her head and a totaled car. Her daugher and I took turns on concussion watch overnight and Monday.
Today I went to see Dr. Bubblehead. She started me on Prozac. Depression always gets worse this time of year and I have been having some trouble with it. So lets see how I'm going to react to this.
I need to run now, need to put gas in the car and pick Hope up from work. Then I need food.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:51 PM
I have survived and recovered from candy days. My buddy Ed filmed and broadcast some of it on his local cable show. It's good publicity for the club. I went out last night for my usual ladies night, got a bit drunk had a good time, woke up alone though. I'm getting rather tired of that. It would be nice to have someone steady in my life again, but I haven't met any keepers lately.
Someone called me at 5 a.m. from a private number, I have no idea who this was, I was sleeping and missed the call. Probably a wrong number. Someone keeps trying to instant message me on my phone, I don't subscribe to that service so now I need to find out who it is and tell them to just call me.
Alice and Frank were Bungee-jumping one day. Alice said to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Progresso, Mexico and begin to set up on the square at the end of the bridge. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, she's bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine...it was the crowd.
What the hell is a pinata?!"
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:19 AM
I can't believe that it has been a fucking week since I last posted! I have been busier than a one legged woman in an ass kicking contest.
Tuesday night I met my buddy Ed up at the Lights for drinks, no he's not that kind of buddy, just friends. We got pleasantly buzzed. He asked me to take him to the Pit so he could confront (in a non-confrontational way) the shark that had dumped him on his birthday. It was difficult for him, but he was able to put some closure to it.
Wednesday night is always ladies night. I meet up with my friends Lori and Bridget at the Pit. We had a pretty good time, nothing exciting, just singing, dancing and flirting with the guys. The usual.
Thursday Ed called and asked me to meet him at the Pit. He wanted to let me know he had begun dating a new woman and they seem to get along very well. He's happy and I'm hoping things work out for him with this one.
Friday afternoon Hot guy called, he wanted to stop over for an afternoon of wild sex before he had to go to work. I nearly killed me to have to turn him down... a combination of having just gotten my period (after a 60 day break) and the rehearsal for Sabrina's wedding. After the rehearsal I met up with the girls at the Pit, pretzel boy was there, you remember him, the 25 year old that attempted to fold me into origami shapes. He was trying to get me to go home with him. Damn, two chances at booty and I had to pass on both!
Saturday evening was the wedding. It went very well. As the officiant, I was worried that I would trip over the words, or begin hacking and coughing. It was outdoors and rather chilly. I spoke as quickly as I could without rushing the ceremony too much. The bride was beautiful. I have several compliments on the service. It was really nice to see Manic Witch and her hubby, I haven't seen them in awhile and miss them. I have a slight cold that I am fighting, mostly in my sinus and throat.
Sunday I went to the Lights for a Pig roast. Curtis Lowe and the Reverb Kings played. The food was great and the band kicked ass! My ass kept getting slapped... reminder to self... don't walk to close to bikers! After I left there, I stopped in at the Pit for a bit. Had a few with Ed and a couple of the fellas that I know then went home.
Monday and Tuesday nights I stayed home. Today I am working on Candy days stuff. It is the Lions club biggest fund raiser of the year. No bingo for me tonight, I don't even think that I will go out tonight. I will be running around like a chicken with it's head cut off now through Sunday. I plan on being in a coma on Monday.
I need a cabana boy Monday to take care of me!!!!
290) Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
291) Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
292) In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
293) Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.
294) The first myth of management is that it exists.
295) For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
296) If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.
297) There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.
298) Average life expectancy ( in seconds ) of an enemy soldier in a Chuck Norris film : 4
299) On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:09 AM
The following female comebacks are courtesy of my sister.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
280) In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.
281) I will endure all this subhuman driveling shit with a smile
282) Don't think of it as being outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.
283) One of the major functions of skin is to keep people who look at you from throwing up.
284) Never accept a drink from a urologist.
285) Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
286) When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
287) If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.
288) Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
289) You always find something in the last place you look.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:26 PM
Thanks to Kev over at Darkest Before Dawn for emailing this joke to me.
President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy".
" No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs Bush was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either".
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:44 PM
UPDATE to my Friday post - Jordan has been found and is safe!
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:28 PM