Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling - Get a taste for religion

Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling

Monday, August 29, 2005

ROTFLMAO - someone found my site searching 'a witch with a house of chicken legs'!

I shit you not.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:30 PM

I apologize to those of the blonde persuasion who are intelligent this is obviously, not about you.

A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear ofthe vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers...
Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs.
It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the lady, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?!" asks the cop...

"Those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

Ponderables

240) He asked me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now."

241) I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.

242) And which parallel universe did you crawl out of?

243) If love is blind, then why do they make lingerie?

244) For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

245) The only difference between graffiti & philosophy is the word fuck...

246) It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.

247) Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people is mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it!

248) I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable

249) We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:14 PM

Friday, August 26, 2005

I want to thank my sister for emailing me the following joke:

Dirty dishes

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape."

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan). That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go. The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word. As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet. So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence. Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

Ponderables

230) I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words.

231) Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

232) Landing: a controlled mid-air collision with a planet

233) Did you know that Jeffrey Dahmer was the only man in America whose bologna really did have a first name?

234) If you had everything, where would you keep it?

235) Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
(thanks to Gregg at http://www.mgdiablog.blogspot.com/ for that one)

236) Ever notice how irons have a setting for 'permanent' press? I don't get it...

237) I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."

238) When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

239) A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:29 AM

Thursday, August 25, 2005

I have closet doors! Monday Rob came over, hung my closet doors and installed cable in my room for me. I am a happy girl. I even helped him clean out his camper as a thank you, that was a lot of work! Single men can be very messy and seem to collect a lot of crap. It took the better part of the day just to weed out all the junk and sanitize all the surfaces in there. It is now safe for human habitation. Just in time to use it this weekend.

Tuesday was a quiet relaxing day, H and I went out and played darts in the evening. I had my best night so far, won all but one game, which is suprising as she is a far superior player. We met a couple of nice young men at the Lights and I learned to play Cricket. We played partners with them for about half of the night then went home.

Bingo was something else last night. I worked in the non-smoking room...they are brutal in there! I have never been yelled at so much for shit that I have no control over since I was a kid. I had visions of getting jumped in the parking lot. I am not working that room again unless they issue me a taser! I hit the Pit after for a much needed pint afterward and ran into some friends. Andy is going to do my new tattoo for me for $30.00 for my birthday. It will be the Japanese symbol for dragon between my shoulder blades. When I am ready, he will do my belly button piercing for $20.00 for me. I had promised myself that when I had got down to a certain size/weight I would get a new tattoo and a piercing...I'm there!

I have been a bit remiss in posting the ponderables lately so here are some more.

220) I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.

221) The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.

222) Ecstasy - A feeling you feel when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you never felt before.

223) "... you never, for instance, hear people say, 'Is that a wad of undiscarded belly button fluff, or are you just glad to see me?'..."
-- The Usenet Oracle

224) Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

225) ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

226) You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.

227) In the realm of human destiny, the depth of man's questioning is more important than his answers.

228) Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

229) It's not who you kill. It's what type of cereal you eat out of their skull.
(I'm thinking Special K)

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:23 AM

Monday, August 22, 2005

Good Afternoon Bloggers...

I had a wonderful, charming, witty post all typed in this morning on my room-mates computer...I swear that the thing hates me. Notice that this isn't it! Ok, maybe the post wasn't all that charming, or witty, or even wonderful, but is that any reason to freeze up? Is that any reason to not respond? Is it the fucking dial-up connection? Is that why even when I can access my blog I can't read my comments? Is it gremlins in the system?

My weekend started off with a Friday night filled with darts, pints, dancing and an afterhours party. Whoo Hoo! Very little sleep for this party animal.

Saturday was filled with domestic duties. We rearranged furniture...my job was to disassemble the fucking huge entertainment center. I had my cordless drill with attachments, flat tip screwdriver and a claw hammer. I went to work, a true Goddess of disassembly. Once said unit was in pieces, it was moved up stairs to the family room.
I now had the task of reassembly. Not generally a problem, as I had carefully laid out the pieces in order when I had taken the unit apart. The 'helpers' that carried the pieces upstairs while I was on a break however, did not see the value of laying them back out in this pattern. When I saw this, I mentally began to compose an email to Martha Stewart for prison cell decorating tips. It took quite a bit more time to reassemble said unit, however, I did persevere. I am good!
After many more domestic chores and a much needed shower, my roommate H, friend Rob and I all went out for a couple of hours for darts, drinks and dancing. Needless to say, the party animal once again got very little sleep.

Sunday was filled with more domestic chores but on a smaller scale. I did and am still wrestling with my closet doors. For some reason, the hardware doesn't want to cooperate. I managed to one of them hung up. I did, however, sleep like the dead.

Today, I have the other two doors to wrestle with, I am determined to win! I shall not be taken down by a couple of hollow core doors!

So how was your weekend?

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:43 PM

Friday, August 19, 2005

Me (in the blue) and my friend Amy at her birthday party Saturday night. We were both trashed. Yes, I got my hair cut, Amy cut it.

Ok boys and girls and those who just aren't sure, it's time that I finally blogged again.

I want to thank all of you who offered their support this past week, it really helped. I am feeling fine now.

First let me clarify something - Amy did not cut my hair at the party, she cut it at the salon where she works, last week. She cut off a little more than 10 inches of hair, we donated it to locks of love. I now feel very sassy.

I went out Tuesday night and celebrated life, got buzzed, got lost in Kenosha, didn't get home until 3:30 a.m.!
Then my friend Rob woke me up at 5:30 Wednesday morning, when he came over to trim the tree between the house and the driveway. He kept me up all day hauling the branches first from that tree then the others he decided needed trimming. Shithead had me so tired that I didn't have time to think about the day. I know that is what he had planned, but his plan worked a little to well...I fell asleep on him. I heard about that Thursday morning, lol! It was his own fault, I told him I needed a nap.

Last night I went to a bingo meeting and training session for our new machines, I do believe that I will get the hang of them.

Today, I will be going around to local businesses and soliciting donations for Lions Club Candy Days. I will be reminding the local area business owners what we do for the local community. All of the contributions are used exclusively by the Lions of Illinois Foundation and the Winthrop Harbor Lions Club to help those in need of vision and hearing care. The Lions of Illinois Foundation supports the Glaucoma and Hearing units that visit and offer free screenings to many communities, the Illinois Eye Research Institute, Camp Lions, Social Services and Refferal Programs, Used Eyeglass Collections, etc...
I am in a very good mood today - I have high hopes for this. I know, it will be like pulling teeth, but I shall use guilt if I have to...

On a personal note - My roommate H, gave me a pair of jeans...size 13!!!!!!!! I am doing the naked, tiara wearing happy dance. I haven't worn a size 13, it's been so long that I can't remember that far back.

One more thing - Johnny B's Save the Post Office video is out, please show Johnny your support.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:46 AM

Friday, August 12, 2005

I have not been sleeping well, I know that is not news to most of you. It has been worse than usual lately. The 25th anniversary of a horrendous moment in my life is coming up on the 17th of August. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to handle it. I only told one person about the 'event', not even my family knows, and I'm still not going to share this with them.

On August 17, 1980 I was raped and strangled by a man that I had been dating for six months. He was stopped and I was revived. It was never reported to the police and as it turns out, the name that I knew him by, wasn't even his real name. I sometimes call this the Anniversary of my murder, for I did die briefly, and sometimes call it my almost murder day. Now, I had thought I had worked through this. Perhaps it is the fact that it is the 25th anniversary of the 'event' that has me rattled, I don't know, but the nightmares are back.

Sometimes I think that I shall celebrate the fact that I am alive, other times I think that I shall just bunker into my room and drink. I honestly don't know what I will do, apart from continue to take my meds and talk to my doc.

I know that this is a bummer post to leave you with for the weekend, but I just needed to vent.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:06 AM

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ponderables

210) My life is based on a true story.

211) Laugh and the world laughs with you, puke and you're on your own.

212) 333 - I'm a devil doing a half-assed job!

213) What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?

214) I'm not perfect, but parts of me are incredible.

215) I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes now.

216) What would Scooby Do?

217) Unlike computers, women reject a 3 1/2 inch floppy.

218) "Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again."
-- TV listing for the movie, The Wizard of Oz, in the Marin Paper.

219) ON MODERNISM
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:29 PM

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

...I rolled him over onto his back and mounted him. He was so hard and the feeling of him entering me nearly caused me to cum again. I started out slowly, with every intention of making things last as long as possible. His hands, on my hips, were encouraging me to move faster. The way he moved with me and the feel of him inside me was causing heat and chills in me all at the same time. We changed positions. I got on my hands and knees with him behind me, he reentered me and slowly began to thrust. I discovered that I enjoyed this and thrust back. Our movements soon became more insistent. Harder, deeper, faster...
I exploded again and he erupted with me. We both collapsed on the bed, holding each other for a long time...

So that was how my encounter with Hot Guy went.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:04 AM

Monday, August 08, 2005

...he lay me down on the bed and very slowly began kissing my neck. His hands messaging my breasts. The anticipation driving me crazy and heating me up at the same time. When he finally took my nipple into his mouth, sucking and lightly biting it, my mind went blank. There was nothing but sensation, nothing but the feel of electricity running through my body. His hands moved lower and he soon discovered that I was already wet. He moved lower wanting to taste me. As he gently licked and sucked on my clit he began to hum, turning himself into the human equivalent of a vibrator. The man had to literally hold my hips to keep me from coming up off the bed as I exploded. When I was finally able to breath again...

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:45 AM

Friday, August 05, 2005

Ok, here is a refresher on how I happened to meet hot guy, please note, he started out as just the cute guy.

Thursday, February 10, 2005
2 a.m. and I can't sleep. It's times like these that I really miss not having someone to snuggle up to. My Brain is going 240 and all I can think is, I want to be held. All this thinking must have fried a synapse or something. Of course, if I was in my own bed instead of on the couch at my brother's house maybe I would be asleep right now. I will just be glad when we get the house sold and I can get into a little place by myself. Perhaps then I will be able to relax. I just feel so alone.
Yesterday was a pretty good day, not exciting, but good. I managed to work on my book a little. I got some laundry done and the cute guy at the gas station flirted with me. That I must admit, was an ego boost I needed. But as I sit here, that has faded and the shadows of loneliness have crept into it's place. I know that this shall pass eventually, but until it does the tears once again come unbidden.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005
This just sucks big harry monkey cock! I am living back at the house. My family, who had been so supportive of me, has now turned their backs on me. I have no where else to go for now. I can no longer stay at my brothers. My Sil doesn't want me there. So I am now looking for a place that I can afford. I don't get paid until the 3rd and I still need to find a car and have bills to pay here. Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck!The only bright spot is that the hot guy at the gas station called me. He has the hots for me and me for him. The downside is, he is involved. His relationship is on the rocks, but he is still involved. That makes him off limits. So no hanky panky. Fuck, Fuck, Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck! This has not been my day.

Sunday, March 27, 2005
12:50 p.m. I got home about 20 minutes ago, an interesting development last night. I went out to my usual haunt and was having a so-so time. It was rather dead in the place so I left and went to the other place I like to go to for a while. When I came back, about an hour and a half later, the beautiful young man that I had posted about on March 14th was there with his SIL (brother's wife). He had come looking for me. As soon as I walked in the door he approached and guided me over to where they were sitting to join them.We left rather early and dropped his sil off. Then back to his place for a couple more drinks. I have not slept on a waterbed since 1980 something, I forgot how comfortable they are. I just discovered that he programmed his number into my phone and I have a feeling he has probably retrieved my number as well. Except for this nasty sinus headache, I feel very relaxed.When it rains it pours. I had no intention of seeing Beautiful Young Man again, until last night. Hot guy (posted about him on Feb 10th and 16th) has been calling about once a week, now that he has moved out on his own. Although we have met for a quick drink, we have made no definite plans to go out. And then there is the Gentleman, who I have not seen since last weekend and have no plans to. What is a woman to do?

Friday, April 01, 2005
Update - I am in too good a mood to play any April fools jokes, and I really don't feel much like posting anything right now. I had a date with hot guy today. I had a perfectly wonderful day, and I can't seem to stop smiling.

...now that everyone is up to speed on how I met hot guy...

When he took me in his arms and kissed me, it felt like a lightning bolt shot through my body. It didn't take us long to begin undressing each other and moving toward the bed...still kissing and caressing. His hands felt strong and slightly calloused and were very sure of what they were doing. He seemed to know just how to touch me, he was making my knees weak.
More on Monday.

Ponderables

200) If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?

201) If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

202) Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

203) Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

204) Don't drink and park: Accidents cause people.

205) Do boxer shorts box?

206) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

207) Is grass really greener on the other side?

208) If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?

209) Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:41 PM

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The hot guy post may have to be delayed just a bit, it is taking longer to write up than I thought. Having written about sex, you'd think I'd understand this by now. Never fear, I will post it soon, It may be a two or three parter.

There was much excitement at bingo last night, we got new machines, because of this, the tables were set up in a new configuration. This led to some conflict and we had three very heated arguments over seating among players. I thought they might even come to blows at one point. Sure they look like sweet little old ladies...

My blog has been rated over at bloghop - I've had two ratings so far, 1 love it and 1 sucks. Yeah!

Ponderables

190) If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

191) Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

192) Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

193) Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?

194) Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

195) Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

196) What do people in China call their good plates?

197) If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

198) Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

199) What do you call male ballerinas?

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:58 AM

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Just a mundane post for today.

I think we should name it Bob. What do you think?
Something new has been added to the World Cup, this brings a new definition to scoring.

I received my beautiful invitation to Sabrina's wedding. I do believe that I will go, especially since I am officiating. It is generally preferred that the minister show up for the service, lol.

Hot guy and I are trying to coordinate our schedules for our 'date'. We did have some really good phone sex this morning. Tomorrow or Friday I'll talk about the one and only time we had gotten together, that was not long before I met Bh. I want to remember all the details of that day.
Warning to my more sensitive readers - It will be a rather explicit post.

I think I will also post about sex with Bh and something that I learned about myself from that. These two men have each, in their own way, taught me something about myself.

Ponderables

180) There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

181) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

182) Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

183) Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

184) Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

185) If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

186) Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

187) Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

188) If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

189) Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:15 PM

Monday, August 01, 2005

I have managed to get the vast majority of the large heavy stuff moved, I did have some helpers finally show up yesterday. My dresser is in my room and set up. The couch, end tables, my t.v., stereo, and one bookcase are all at the new place. I have some of my clothes over there and only three pair of the neverending collection of shoes. Fortunately, I can slowly move the rest of my things over at my own pace now.

My computer and desk are still at the house, I'm spoiled with the DSL, and there is only dial-up at the new place. For now, I'll keep the computer where it is as I still need to come over here almost daily until the house sells.

Today is part one of the ritual of the bills, then catching up on blog reading, then cleaning, I'm waiting for the air conditioner repairman (not a warranty repair), then I will go home and relax. I am taking tomorrow off. I am not doing anything but laze around. I may come over here to blog, I may not.

Now all I need is a massage and some TLC. A booty call, that's it, that's exactly what I need. I called Hot guy and let him know that I moved. Some of you will remember him from sometime back...
well even after I started dating Bh, I kept his number, just in case things didn't work out. I'm glad I did. He's calling me back later today and we are making a date...

Ponderables

170) If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

171) If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

172) Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

173) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

174) A closed mouth gathers no foot.

175) Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

176) We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... Then things get worse.

177) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

178) There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

179) No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:29 AM