Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Another Wednesday is upon us - I turn on the water tap to wash the little sleepies from my eyes...trickle, trickle, trickle. Fuck! Ok, don't panic. I quickly search my sleep addled brain, could just be a problem with this tap, I go to the kitchen and try the tap...trickle, trickle, trickle. Fuck!
Maybe the problem is just on the first floor (shut up, I said my brain was sleep addled), I trip up the stairs to the second floor bath and turn on the tap, trickle, trickle, trickle...fuck!!!!! Ok, you can panic a little.
Did I pay the last water bill? Come on Broomy think, coffee, I need coffee, wake up, wake up! Get the brain in gear! Fortunately the coffee pot had been locked and loaded the night before and freshly brewed coffee awaited me in the kitchen. One cup of coffee and one cigarette later I realize that yes, the water bill did get paid. Ok, so homeland security didn't come in the night to shut off my water for neglecting to pay my bill like a good citizen.
Now, where did I put the phone number to the public works department? I frantically search for the booklet that the village gives you when you move into the area. I finally find it and call public works, a very pleasant woman answers the phone. "Good Morning" I say. "I live on I have no water in my house street, is there a broken main or some a child in a well or some such catastrophic event going on this morning?" I ask. "No maam" she replies, laughing, "they are working on a broken valve in your area." She informs me that the estimated repair time is approximately an hour. I thank her for her time and make a note of the time that I phoned 0927 a.m. I hope that they stick to that time-table.
I must complete my morning routine. I need to get in, shower, shave my girlie bits, brush my teeth, etc...What if the handsome man of my dreams shows up suddenly at my door ready to whisk me away and I'm not ready (shut up, it could happen)?
If he doesn't show today, I still have bingo today and I need to be fresh, especially after last week. Having lost my bingo cherry, I fully expect to be calling again tonight. I am prepared. The ladies actually complimented on my calling. They said I had a good voice on the microphone and spoke clearly. I hope that I don't make any serious mistakes, they can be quite brutal to callers that do. Last week we were short handed and I had to work the raffle table by myself, I think that I have more gray hair as a result. It's not that it's that hard, but trying to keep four different banks straight and selling a raffle that I had never done before and wasn't familiar with was somewhat confusing. I used my usual smart-assed sense of humor to handle it and our regulars were wonderful. I sometimes had a bit of a line at the table but we were all laughing and joking about it. I was nearly babbling by the time bingo actually started though, I was never so glad to put the cards in the office, grab a microphone and walk the floor. And to think, I do this on a volunteer basis and love every minute of it, lol! Do you think that means I have a latent masochistic streak?

Ponderables


34) Honk If You Love Peace and Quiet.

35) Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires.

36) I'm pretty sure that 'bingo' is better than logic but I can't prove it.

37) Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Laugh.

38) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times more memory!

39) If a thing is worth doing wouldn't it have been done already?

40) If we weren't meant to eat animals why are they made of meat?

41) Ham and Eggs. Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment for a pig.

42) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

43) Remember that experience and guile will beat youth and enthusiasm every time.

44) When someone is acting 'for your own good', you won't like it. Furthermore, they will probably expect you to pay for it and, if they're 'protecting your morals', you'll have to pay double.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:27 AM

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