Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I was tagged by Manic Witch

3 names you go by:- Broomhilda- Wiccavic- Sexy Bitch

3 screennames you've had (besides blog pseudonym:) - Wiccavic, V3Raven sorry guys, I've only had two.

3 physical things you like about yourself:- my eyes- my hair- my legs

3 physical things you dislike about yourself:- teeth, thighs and stomach

3 parts of your heritage:- Irish- Scottish - Huron

3 things you are wearing right now:- purple bra, tight stretch jeans, thong

3 favorite bands / musical artists:- Aerosmith- Disturbed - CCR

3 favorite songs:- "10 inch Record" by Aerosmith- "Liberate" by Disturbed - "I put a Spell on You" by CCR

3 things you want in a relationship:- compassion- sense of humor- acceptance

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeals to you:- eyes- strong arms - ass

3 of your favorite hobbies:- reading- snuggling up in bed - playing with my blog

3 things you want to do really badly right now:- play - snuggle - sit outside and read

3 things that scare you:- H.E.I.G.H.T.S!!!- spiders - I'll get back to you on that

3 of your everyday essentials:- computer - books- water

3 careers you have considered or are considering:- Rock Star - Writer - Actress

3 places you want to go on vacation:- Scotland, ok, make it all of the UK - Ireland - Australia

3 kids' names you like:- Cheyenne Elizabeth - Ian James - Dalton Patrick

3 things you want to do before you die:- Live in the mountains - Publish a book - Travel the world

3 ways you are stereotypically a boy:- HELLO! Tit factor here!

3 ways you are stereotypically a chick:- vagina- boobies- The sudden, burning need to smack the shit out of whoever added these two idiotic questions.

3 celeb crushes:- Alan Rickman - Gary Oldman - Orlando Bloom

3 people I would like to see take this quiz now- I have decided to tag everyone!

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 6:59 AM

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Sunday, May 29, 2005

This entire post was whored from Evil Overlord, Inc.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
AN IMPORTANT NOTE REGARDING THE COPYRIGHT:
This Evil Overlord List grew out of the exchanges on what is now the Star Trek mailing list "shields-up@spies.com", beginning in 1994 (when it was still "startrek@cs.arizona.edu"). We were kicking around cliches that appeared on "Deep Space 9" at the time, and I started to compile a list of classic blunders they were making. The list came to about 20 or so items. In 1995, I decided to try to make it into a Top 100 List. I attached a copyright notice, some friends of mine posted it to a few newsgroups, and the contributions quickly poured in. In 1996 I revised the list entries to their current form, the Web page went up, more contributions were solicited, the list expanded beyond 100 and I had to open up a dungeon. I continued to contribute items; my total is around 40 or so. So while I am the originator, editor, and principal contributor, I certainly did not write the majority of the items on the list -- as may be seen by the sheer number of individuals who are listed as contributors. Around 1997, as the final contributions were coming in, a couple contributors mentioned that this was similar to a list of things not to do if you capture James Bond that had appeared on a sci-fi newsgroup. I'd never heard of or seen this list, so I assumed it was parallel development or perhaps something I had inspired.
On November 12, 2002, I exchanged some emails with Jack Butler who has a list on his website. Sayeth Mr. Butler: "This list has its origins on the now-nonexistent FidoNet Science Fiction and Fandom (SFFAN) email echo, in a discussion regarding a sketch seen on an episode of Saturday Night Live sometime in 1990. In the sketch, several Bond villains were appearing on a talkshow touting their new book, "What Not To Do If You Capture James Bond". The discussion on SFFAN was specifically regarding what advice might be found in that book. The instigator of the discussion was Alesia Chamness; other contributors included Jason Welles, Brian R. Williams, Merideth Knepper, and Alexi Vandenburg. I was also one of its contributors. When I originally posted this list to the Internet in 1994, I did so without any awareness of Mr. Anspach, the Star Trek mailing list on which his version of the list appeared, or (later) his website."
Apparently both lists were compiled during overlapping periods of time. Comparing the two, some items appear on one list but not the other. Other items appear identical to those on this list; since many are the result of my writing or editing, I believe they were taken from this list and posted to that list without permission. But other items on that list appear identical to contributions I received before I edited them. Those items may have been taken from that list and submitted here under false pretenses, or they may have innocently been submitted to both lists by their originators. It appears that as a result of this "cross-contamination", the two lists have arrived at a point where there are variations on each other and it is probably impossible to untangle them. (I would still like to talk with Alesia Chamness. If you know her, please ask her to email me.)
I believe Jack Butler when he says the list on his website is the current form of the James Bond Villain list, and I thank him for helping to clarify matters. Let me state that I had nothing to do with the FidoNet SFFAN list which is firmly in the public domain, and I lay no claim to it. The copyright statement attached to my list applies only to this list, in the form it appears.

-- Peter Anspach

(From the User-Friendly Archives)
Attention all Evil Overlord List Aspirants: Contrary to popular belief, taking over the universe is not as easy as it would first appear. Due to the complexity of this task, Peter regrets that he is currently unable to give the list the attention it deserves. The list is therefore going on a temporary hiatus. This is a temporary condition. As soon as he is able to respond in a timely manner -- or until he becomes unquestioned lord and master of all things, whichever comes first -- the list will not be updated and no new suggestions will be considered. He would sincerely apologize for this inconvenience, were it in character for an Evil Overlord to do so.
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd DoIf I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously
imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair
beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit
box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least
tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot
him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil
ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my
plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked
"Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Of course, these are merely the Top 100 Things I'd do. Other suggestions have been sent to me which didn't quite make the Top 100 List. But they are still so good that I couldn't bear to throw them out. Therefore, as an expression of gratitude, I have tossed them into...


The Dungeon
and
The Dungeon: Cellblock B

I will post these later.
When I become Evil Queen, please note: you will have to read them as they would apply to a woman not a man.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:40 PM

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Saturday, May 28, 2005

a new hit -

dog piss + baking soda explode - LMAO, ok maybe it's me but this is soooooo sick, it's funny.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:40 PM

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No comment! 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:37 PM

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They could have picked a better beer! 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:37 PM

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yup! 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:36 PM

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Thursday, May 26, 2005

It's been a busy and athletic couple of days. Bingo yesterday, I whacked my head on a shelf. I sat down on a chair in the office, it looked like I had plenty of room, nope. Suddenly, Bam! My eyes watered, I saw stars, and yes, there was pain! On the positive side, no headache, no loss of conciousness and no lump. It's a good thing that I have a hard head. Bf took me out for some long island ice teas after bingo and kept me up quite late, I fear that I won't be walking quite right for some time.
In the meantime, enjoy the new pics that I've posted.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:24 PM

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what more can I add to this one 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:24 PM

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No further comment needed 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:23 PM

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Tuesday, May 24, 2005

More hits -

bi polar sex - as opposed to what? "regular sex"

Think of a punishment - I can think of many, depending on how naughty you are

he felt like eating her breasts - great, now I have cannibals searching my site

Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath - now that's an idea

ride him slowly - always a winner

lick breast - sorry, this is NOT a training site

bi polar pms - more fun than your average pms

goddess associated with spiders - no doubt relating to the spider wars

she straddled him and began to ride him faster - start out slowly

series erotic dreams - get your own dreams

bare breasts wmv - wtf is wmv?

dragon stew - I no longer cook dragon

she kissed her passionately - I don't swing that way

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:26 AM

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I will be posting redneck pictures for awhile, courtesy of my sister. Yes, she's married into them and I'm dating one. lol. What can I say, something about them Alabama boys.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:03 AM

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What can I say... 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:03 AM

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This is NOT me and bf.  

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:02 AM

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Monday, May 23, 2005

Speaks for it's self. 

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:40 PM

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I had a lovely weekend, got far to little sleep. I got to see bf doing his mechanic thing, I was impressed. We went to a bbq, ohhhh I ate way too much and had a blast. We slept all day on Sunday, something that I never do. I was a nice treat. Back to reality today. They had a showing on the house Sunday afternoon, I haven't heard anything about it yet, though. I'll have to contact my realtor later today for feedback.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:34 PM

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Friday, May 20, 2005

I'm listening to Beth Hart 'Screamin' for my Supper' and burning a copy of the CD while typing this, so I hope this post is coherent.

I've been tagged.. by Natty
Pick five things from the following list, and then complete the sentence, and then go on and tag another 3 people.
The List
If I could be a scientist . . .
If I could be a farmer . . .
If I could be a musician . . .
If I could be a doctor . . .
If I could be a painter . . .
If I could be a gardener . . .
If I could be a missionary . . .
If I could be a chef . . .
If I could be an architect . . .
If I could be a linguist . . .
If I could be a psychologist . . .
If I could be a librarian . . .
If I could be an athlete . . .
If I could be a lawyer . . .
If I could be an inn-keeper . . .
If I could be a professor . . .
If I could be a writer . . .
If I could be a llama-rider . . .
If I could be a bonnie pirate . . .
If I could be an astronaut . . .
If I could be a world famous blogger . . .
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world . . .
If I could be married to any current famous political figure . .

Ok here goes -

If I could be a scientist I would discover a way to cure all forms of cancer and alzheimers.

If I could be a doctor I would structure my fee based on what my patients could pay, if you have no money, I would still give you the same care that I would give someone who had billions, but I would not charge you.

If I could be a bonnie pirate I would sail the world, collecting booty (both in the monetary and physical sense) Arrrrgh, matey!

If I could be a missionary I would change positions.

If I could be a world famous blogger, shit, I thought I already was!

Now who shall I tag...mmm let me think? Tired of Men because she is wickedly funny and her answers should be interesting. Next victim is Manic Witch because of her sarcastic wit. And last but not least is Kim over at Bacon and Eh's for her twisted sense of humor.

Well these three shall probably stop speaking to me now, lol. Sorry ladies, but, tag, you're it!

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:52 AM

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Thursday, May 19, 2005

Four Catholic mothers were having coffee together and discussing how wonderful their children are.
The first mother tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a handsome, 6' 2", hard-bodied Chippendale's stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, all the women say, 'oh my GOD'!"

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:09 PM

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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Ok boys and girls, bingo day is upon us once again. I get to go early as bf is working today. He works for a moving company and it's been slow lately, hopefully, things will pick up soon. I have to be at the hall by 2 p.m. to help setup. It's going to be a long day.
Yesterday, he called down to Alabama to speak with his friend and former boss (he's feeling a little homesick), when he got off the phone, he asked me if I would like to go to Alabama for a weekend. I told him I would, and asked when he wanted to go. He said he didn't know yet. The moving season should be gearing up soon so he should be working a lot more.

recent searchengine queries that have found their way to my site:

big ass clothing broom hilda - ok, perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here, I may have some amplitude in the ass department, but my ass isn't BIG! It is very fashionable, thanks to J. Lo.

robocop bill cosby erotic - this is just wrong on so many levels, yuck!

marquis de sade breasts mouth hand - did the Marquis de Sade have breasts? I assume he did have a mouth and at least one hand.

throdkins - Yeah!!!!!

bi polar and dogs - can dogs be bi-polar? or is this just some sick and twisted perverted search?

broomhilda laughing - Awwww, you love me!

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 6:38 AM

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Monday, May 16, 2005

Whored from Spellbound

Your Deadly Sins

Lust: 40%

Greed: 20%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You'll die while in the throws of passion - the best way to go.

How Sinful Are You?

Let's keep the blog whoring rolling shall we - these links were whored from Saturnynes Lounge

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:02 AM

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Getting a Refund


A Lady goes into Wal-Mart and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it doesn't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming ! GRAB MY BREASTS ! GRAB MY BREASTS !
The clerk, not knowing what to do, runs to get the store manager. The manager comes up to the Woman and asks, " What's wrong? " She explains the situation with the toaster. He tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special. Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming," GRAB MY BREASTS ! GRAB MY BREASTS ! " IN shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are you saying that?"
In a huff, the woman says, " BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY BREASTS GRABBED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED! "
Her money was refunded

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:37 AM

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Saturday, May 14, 2005

The Lions club meeting went well, I turned in my application and was introduced to everyone. We had pizza and afterward I went back to bf's. I just got home. I need to do some laundry, and catch up on some stuff around here then I'm going back over there.
Have a good weekend everyone.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:09 PM

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Thursday, May 12, 2005

They put me to work at bingo last night, I can't work the floor as I'm not a Lyons club member yet. They did have me working at the table selling the cards for blackout and speedball until the intermission. Afterward I sat in the office until bingo was over. Tonight will be my first Lyons club meeting, BF wants me to join. I'm thinking about it. They do a lot of work with the blind, the deaf, the community and with diabetes awareness.
After bingo I went back to BF's house, I just got home. I need to shower and change then I'm going back over there. I'll go to the meeting from there.
The following is an untitled work in progress;

In tandem hearts should beat,

as lovers essence entwine.

In exquisite tenderness the passionate

embrace, climbing higher towards ecstasy.

Spirits merge in the heat of love expressed.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:45 PM

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Something a little more upbeat now that I have ranted about the sick twisted fuck.

I have a boyfriend. I didn't set out to have one, it just sort of happened. I met him about 2 and a half weeks ago, and have seen or talked to him every day since. Which is why I haven't been home much. I don't know where this is going, but I am having a lot of fun. There is something about this 32 year old Alabama man that just takes my breath away. Besides the fact that he is good looking, tall, and well put together, he makes me laugh!
On Mother's day, he introduced me to his mom and dad, we spent a couple of hours visiting with them, then it was off to my sisters for a cook-out. He's the one that got me to go to bingo and yes, he's the one that whipped my ass in Yatzee. Tonight is bingo night again, no, I'm not going to play, however, I am picking him up afterward as he has to work the hall (she sighs contentedly). No telling what the night will bring.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:10 PM

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*Update on bottom of post*

On Mother's day two beautiful little girls, Laura Hobbs, age 8, and Krystal Tobias, age 9 were brutally murdered. They were reported missing at 8:50 p.m. on Sunday and their bodies were found early Monday morning just off a bike path by Jerry Hobbs, (the father of Laura) and her grandfather Arthur Hollabaugh. These beautiful little girls had been beaten and stabbed multiple times and then left to die in the woods on Mother's Day.
Jerry Hobbs has been arrested and charged with both murders.

To Mr. Hobbs - If you are innocent, I ask the Goddess to quickly bring the guilty party to the attention of the police and clear you. If, however you are guilty of murdering your own child and her friend, I hope you suffer and rot. I can't even think of a punishment severe enough for you. I want you tormented, I want you to suffer pain so horrific that it drives you to the brink of madness.

This all happened within about a mile from my home. I didn't know these girls or their families, but that doesn't matter, this has effected the entire town.

*Update* The Motherfucking Son of a Bitch confessed! He was quoted as saying that he was angry at his daughter for breaking curfew and that he tracked her and Krystal in the wooded park, punched her and then killed both girls.

I hope you die slowly and painfully you fucking bastard!

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 8:37 AM

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Sunday, May 08, 2005

Quotes
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."

When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!

"Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of life?' or 'Socrates how can I find happiness?', did anyone ever say 'Socrates hemlock is poison.'???????" -Socrates minutes before death

Sure God created man before woman.. but then you always make a rough draft before The Final Masterpiece.

Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book that is admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbour.

In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. -- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

I will endure all this subhuman driveling shit with a smile

Don't think of it as being outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection.

One of the major functions of skin is to keep people who look at you from throwing up. -- Actual exam answer

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:36 AM

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Friday, May 06, 2005

It just figures - Howard got his bath yesterday...clean as a whistle inside and out. So what is it supposed to do today? Thunderstorm this afternoon or overnight!!!!

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 8:58 AM

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

Bingo has definitely changed since I last played. They have all these different variations of the game. Hard to keep up with it all. Sure those little old ladies all seem nice and friendly until the game starts - then it's like sharks circling in the water. I don't see how they can keep up with their cards, some had upwards of ten cards taped together and spread out all over the table. And they are all talking to each other quietly at the same time.
It is a beautiful day today, warm and sunny. I think that I will give Howard a much needed bath. Then vacuum him out and clean his interior as well.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:27 PM

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Wednesday, May 04, 2005

The party round is finally over, I have been careful not to over do the drinking. It's the late nights that I'm not used to. I had a blast though, I've pretty much been staying at a friends house through most of it since we've been going to the same parties and she has a spare room with a bed. It's been a nice change from sleeping on the couch.
The minor depression that inspired the poem has dissipated and I am feeling like myself again. The social interaction and you my bloggie friends have helped greatly with that, thank you.
Last night I got my ass whipped in 5 games of Yatzee, I haven't played that game in years! Tonight I am going to play another game that I haven't played in years, bingo. It will get me out of the house, it's not the bar and I might even win some money.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:47 PM

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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Just a little quicky -

I have been going just about non-stop since about thursday. Too many birthday's around the same time. Today is my sister's b-day, and payday. So again it's rush rush rush around. I have been to 5 count em', 5 party's in as many days. I am glad that they will be winding down soon, I need the rest, lol.
I'll post more when I get the chance, now i need to clean up, get dressed and I have errands to run then it's off again to another event. Ahhhh, the social season is in swing (rofl).

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:29 AM

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Sunday, May 01, 2005

The Tender Heart

Pandemonium of emotions
Whirl in the maelstrom,
The heart torn,
Deprived of love it withers.
In consummate loneliness,
The contempt of abject
Despair breeds a darkness of soul.
Tears fall, cleansing in their purity,
Gentle absolution at their core.
Mourning the loss of innocence,
The bastions being erected,
In bravado hiding,
The tender heart.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:31 PM

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