Thursday, April 21, 2005

A very brief introduction into the History of the Spider Wars

I decided that it was time to give you, my dear friends, a very brief introduction into the history of the spider wars. The spider wars have been going on since the dawn of time.
They began even before the formation of our own planet, indeed before the formation of our own galaxy. These are not your every day house and garden spiders, for those are natural creatures, and I hold no animosity toward them (other than being freaked out in general by them).
These creatures are mutant demon spawn, not native to our own universe. They are intelligent and have good communication and organizational skills. I am not the first to battle them and am not currently the only warrior doing so. The war will continue until these mutants are eradicated and the quantum portal is sealed.
I did not choose to become an arachnid warrior, I was chosen. Twenty years ago, I was bitten by one of these evil spawn, marked, it took a piece of my thumb as a sign. Now, they seek me out and others like me. I have no choice but to do battle, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it is my calling.
Once I am settled into my new place, I will contact some of the others and go over the historical documents. I will then write the complete History of the Spider Wars. I will of course include how they came into being and how they entered into our universe. The epic battle sequences, the tragic losses of past warriors and the triumphs. Until I will keep you up to date as new battles take place.
The interrogation of my prisoner continues. It has yet to offer up much in the way of useful information, but tomorrow I am bringing in an expert. I am confident that we shall soon know the location of their local primary nest soon.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:11 PM

|