Saturday, April 09, 2005

Remember everyone - there is an open bar and all you can eat buffet here this weekend, help yourselves. We are open 24 hours.

I am the Imp of the Perverse Knowing this won't help you, either.

Signs you Have PMS
Everyone around you has an attitude problem.!
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your Jeans
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice
You're convinced there's a God and he's male
You're counting down the days until menopause
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused You shoot him
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them and stick em to their shirts
4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest
5. You're on so much Estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendale's.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:06 AM

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