Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Awwww Hell!!!
I should have known. I have been up since 3 a.m. Woke up all hot and sweaty, having very erotic dreams about a certain man. I couldn't go back to sleep. My modem is acting up so it took forever to log on, shades of things to come. Ok, I finally get logged on, check my email, yadda yadda yadda. I go to the dungeon for a smoke, there to greet me at the bottom of the stairs is a big fuckin' spider!
Now, I do not like spiders, I do not like them on the stairs, I do not like them in the air, I do not like them anywhere. I squealed like Ned Beatty's character, Bobby Trippe, in Deliverance. I managed, in my near panic, to exterminate the evil spawn and send it back to the netherworld from whence it came. I continued on and had my cigarette, which helped to calm me. I returned to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
NO!!! It's evil twin is hanging from the ceiling in front of the fucking coffee pot!!!!!! I am having visions of the movie Eight-legged Freaks now. Giant mutant spiders will be coming after me. I will be found in a rather large cocoon, totally emaciated, having been completely drained of all bodily fluids.
I resist the urge to run screaming into the street (especially as I am still in my night clothes) and run out of the room to gather up my courage. Upon my return I discover that the evil thing is gone. I turn on the light, no sign of it anywhere. I quickly pour my coffee and leave the room. There has still been no sighting of the beast, I am sure that it has been out marshalling the troops and is at this very moment working up its battle plan. They are watching and waiting, it will probably be a night attack.
Ok, so I go upstairs to get dressed for my foray to the house of torture. About halfway up the stairs I trip, there is nothing on the stairs to trip over. I swear that I hear a high pitched giggle, fucking spiders are behind this, I just know it. My sweatpants are nowhere to be found. Carefully, I make my way back down the stairs, I find them hanging in the laundry room. I head back upstairs, slowly, carefully. I dress, come back downstairs, brush my teeth, brush my hair and put it in a ponytail. I am ready.
I arrive at the house of torture without incident. I decide to vary my workout by using the elliptical machine first. I think that since I have such a hard time with that machine, I'll get it out of the way. BIG MISTAKE!!! Legs go into immediate revolt, I must do all of my upper-body workout before even attempting to do the rest of the lower-body workout. I barely am able to walk out to the car. I will leave that damn machine for last!!!
I am so wiped that I forget to go over to Dr. Bubblehead's office. I last saw her on March 1. She was supposed to order meds for me. So I wait the customary 7 business days for them to arrive in the mail, no meds. I call N, a lovely woman who works for the clinic, she emails the Bubblehead about the meds. I wait another 7 business days, still no meds. I call again, I now have enough meds for tonight and tomorrow night. I have to pick up my prescription on Thursday. If Bubblehead thought I was hostile before, just wait and see if my script isn't there on Thursday. I will fire her ass again.
From the VA I went out to Antioch to pick up the license plates for Howard the car. They even put them on for me. I got a block from home when I got held up in traffic. It seems that every duck in the county decided to cross the road from the hospital to the pond at the same time. I don't run down ducks, it makes them taste flat. I did get a show while I waited. The young man in the black pickup truck facing the opposite direction was mining his nose for gold. He had his finger in to the second knuckle! EEWWWW!
I finally arrived no worse for the wear. I began my post but took a break to make something to eat. My lunch exploded in the microwave. I have cramps and am out of Midol. I need a shower and need to shave my legs, but I am afraid of hot water and sharp objects at the moment.
As I attempted to post this, I lost half of the post and had to re-type it. I think I need a nap.

Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:15 AM

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