Menopausal Bi-Polar Witch Babbling
Ther are ginger scones, vodka, wine and tea for all who stop by the blog today.
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*Update at 12:06 p.m.* There are days that go so well you just feel like Dancing Naked Wearing A Tiara. Then there are days when you just want to Go Upside Someone's Head With A Cast-Iron Frying Griddle. Today is both.
I had an excellent workout at the house of torture. I have my routine worked out. Treadmill first - I'm up to 12 minutes now. Then I do all my other exercises, I'm up to 2 sets of each. Then the dreaded elliptical machine last. I worked, I was able to actually walk to the car without my legs going into revolt. A DNWAT moment
I then go over to the building where the pharmacy and Dr. Bubblehead's office are located. My prescription has been mailed out! This is a GUSSHWACIFG moment! It is a good thing that the Bubblehead is not in on Thursdays. The lovely woman at the pharmacy, understanding that I am completely out of medication, tells me to come back in 10 minutes, they will give me a 10 day supply. A DNWAT moment. I walk over and visit with N, the lovely woman who works in the Women's Stress Disorder Clinic. She weight me in, I've lost another 10 lbs, since March 1. A DNWAT moment! I go back, pickup my meds and head home.
I get home and my first stop is the bathroom or as my European friends call it, the loo. There it sits, a scout for the spider militia. I back out slowly, cursing. This is one of those times that I don't mind that the ex shares the house with me.
Ex - Oh for Christ's sake, it's only a little spider
Me - Shhhh, it will hear you. It's a scout for the spider militia.
Ex - Are you on drugs?
Me - No. I'm telling you, they are plotting a military coup on the house.
Ex - Get out of the way.
He goes in and kills the offending creature.
Me - Oooohhh, you've done it now. They will be after you, instead of me now.
I do feel somewhat relieved, however, I shall not let my guard down.
I fire up my trusty computer and what do I find, I have a comment on my blog. But not just a comment. The European Blog Queen herself, Zoe from My Boyfriend is a Twat has paid me a visit. This is a proud moment for me, if not for the adrenalin rush from the spider encounter, I may have fainted dead away. Definitely a DNWAT moment.
I am off to the house of torture in a little while and then to pick up my prescription. I just hope that Dr. Bubblehead ordered my meds and that they are there waiting for me. The pharmacy at the VA tends to screw up every now and then. I just hope that they haven't been mailed out. If so, that would mean, no meds for a week. Posting could become rather stranger than usual. I will keep a positive outlook for now, chant with me: they will be there awaiting me, they will be there awaiting me, they will be there awaiting me.
Listening to Disturbed
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The Miracle Of Toilet Paper
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror,
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
" If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds. "
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and
stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
" How long will this take ? " she asks.
" They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. " Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
years ? "
Without missing a beat the husband says
" Worked for your butt, didn't it ? "
His Therapist says with a good deal of time and attention
he may live a normal life again...
Stupid, Stupid Man.... :)
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against
the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
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Well no sign of spiders this morning. I was up off and on all night. I'm sure they are still plotting a night time attack. I never did get my nap in yesterday. My brother came over for awhile and changed the light bulbs over the garage. I still can't get the motion sensor to work. Blogger would not let me edit my post from yesterday, so I couldn't spell check the damn thing. Today is the first time I have tried blog this, as I get an error message trying to access the dashboard. At some point this morning I need to shower and shave my delicate spots. Then I need to pretend that I am a domestic Goddess for a change and clean my office. It looks like there was an explosion of papers, books and general chaos in here. Friday is payday and I must prepare for the monthly ritual of the bills.
Right now, I need coffee!
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Awwww Hell!!!
I should have known. I have been up since 3 a.m. Woke up all hot and sweaty, having very erotic dreams about a certain man. I couldn't go back to sleep. My modem is acting up so it took forever to log on, shades of things to come. Ok, I finally get logged on, check my email, yadda yadda yadda. I go to the dungeon for a smoke, there to greet me at the bottom of the stairs is a big fuckin' spider!
Now, I do not like spiders, I do not like them on the stairs, I do not like them in the air, I do not like them anywhere. I squealed like Ned Beatty's character, Bobby Trippe, in Deliverance. I managed, in my near panic, to exterminate the evil spawn and send it back to the netherworld from whence it came. I continued on and had my cigarette, which helped to calm me. I returned to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
NO!!! It's evil twin is hanging from the ceiling in front of the fucking coffee pot!!!!!! I am having visions of the movie Eight-legged Freaks now. Giant mutant spiders will be coming after me. I will be found in a rather large cocoon, totally emaciated, having been completely drained of all bodily fluids.
I resist the urge to run screaming into the street (especially as I am still in my night clothes) and run out of the room to gather up my courage. Upon my return I discover that the evil thing is gone. I turn on the light, no sign of it anywhere. I quickly pour my coffee and leave the room. There has still been no sighting of the beast, I am sure that it has been out marshalling the troops and is at this very moment working up its battle plan. They are watching and waiting, it will probably be a night attack.
Ok, so I go upstairs to get dressed for my foray to the house of torture. About halfway up the stairs I trip, there is nothing on the stairs to trip over. I swear that I hear a high pitched giggle, fucking spiders are behind this, I just know it. My sweatpants are nowhere to be found. Carefully, I make my way back down the stairs, I find them hanging in the laundry room. I head back upstairs, slowly, carefully. I dress, come back downstairs, brush my teeth, brush my hair and put it in a ponytail. I am ready.
I arrive at the house of torture without incident. I decide to vary my workout by using the elliptical machine first. I think that since I have such a hard time with that machine, I'll get it out of the way. BIG MISTAKE!!! Legs go into immediate revolt, I must do all of my upper-body workout before even attempting to do the rest of the lower-body workout. I barely am able to walk out to the car. I will leave that damn machine for last!!!
I am so wiped that I forget to go over to Dr. Bubblehead's office. I last saw her on March 1. She was supposed to order meds for me. So I wait the customary 7 business days for them to arrive in the mail, no meds. I call N, a lovely woman who works for the clinic, she emails the Bubblehead about the meds. I wait another 7 business days, still no meds. I call again, I now have enough meds for tonight and tomorrow night. I have to pick up my prescription on Thursday. If Bubblehead thought I was hostile before, just wait and see if my script isn't there on Thursday. I will fire her ass again.
From the VA I went out to Antioch to pick up the license plates for Howard the car. They even put them on for me. I got a block from home when I got held up in traffic. It seems that every duck in the county decided to cross the road from the hospital to the pond at the same time. I don't run down ducks, it makes them taste flat. I did get a show while I waited. The young man in the black pickup truck facing the opposite direction was mining his nose for gold. He had his finger in to the second knuckle! EEWWWW!
I finally arrived no worse for the wear. I began my post but took a break to make something to eat. My lunch exploded in the microwave. I have cramps and am out of Midol. I need a shower and need to shave my legs, but I am afraid of hot water and sharp objects at the moment.
As I attempted to post this, I lost half of the post and had to re-type it. I think I need a nap.
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Life is like a box of Chocolates....
Eat the Chocolate, Not the Box
Butt Prints in the Sand
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet."
"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
-unknown-
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2nd post of the day
In Transition
I've moved beyond the maiden form
From whence I was immortal
Soon leaving the mother form behind
Where still I had forever
In transition myself I find
A life to be examined
Reconciling with the past
Confronting the darkness within
Glimpses of just who I am
And who I wish to be
Grandmother Sage I call to you
Your wisdom I do seek
Help me see what I push away
Find the lessons learned
Move past the fear and anger and pain
Accepting myself for me
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Everyone is a damn fool for at least 5 minutes a day; Wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What did you ask me?
Unconscious Mutterings
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I whored this pic. from Kim at Bacon and Eh's as well. Pretty bunny.
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-Update-
I have been whoring from Kim again.
What Happy Bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
The Truth about The Easter Bunny
12:50 p.m. I got home about 20 minutes ago, an interesting development last night. I went out to my usual haunt and was having a so-so time. It was rather dead in the place so I left and went to the other place I like to go to for a while. When I came back, about an hour and a half later, the beautiful young man that I had posted about on March 14th was there with his SIL (brother's wife). He had come looking for me. As soon as I walked in the door he approached and guided me over to where they were sitting to join them.
We left rather early and dropped his sil off. Then back to his place for a couple more drinks. I have not slept on a waterbed since 1980 something, I forgot how comfortable they are. I just discovered that he programmed his number into my phone and I have a feeling he has probably retrieved my number as well. Except for this nasty sinus headache, I feel very relaxed.
When it rains it pours. I had no intention of seeing Beautiful Young Man again, until last night. Hot guy (posted about him on Feb 10th and 16th) has been calling about once a week, now that he has moved out on his own. Although we have met for a quick drink, we have made no definite plans to go out. And then there is the Gentleman, who I have not seen since last weekend and have no plans to. What is a woman to do?
Cheap, fast, good, Pick two
The difference between Genius and Stupidity
is that Genius has its limits
Do It !
It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark
I'm not panicking. I'm watching you panic. It's much more entertaining
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Get a taste for religion, Lick a Witch!
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub?
A: Self-Cleaning Coven
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium
Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:
I don't freaking think so
Listening to Nazareth - Greatest Hits
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Today might just be a laze about day. I need replenish some of my tea blends and make some more perfume. Pattycake is supposed to call me around 2 p.m. for moving help. I will probably nap off and on and then go out for awhile tonight. My sister wants me to go to Easter dinner at her house tomorrow. I still don't know if I want to do that, especially after all the drama from last year. Plus, the whole family will be there, too much chaos. I would much prefer to spend the day alone, in peace and quiet.
A little pagan humor
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Update an Easter card for you.
To all who celebrate this weekend as Holy: I wish you Happy Easter. May love, light and peace be in you life and heart.
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Take the quiz: "Are you a good kisser"
Your a fuckin good KISSER
WOW your a good ass kisser u need to call me shit! lol
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Update - Timing is everything - As I have most of you are aware, the reason behind my purchase of a car was two fold: The ex did not want me driving 'our' car when I went out as his name was on it, and we had to share, severely restricting my freedom to come and go.
I now have my own car. He has sole responsibly for the care and maintenance of the other car. The catalytic converter went out on his car, he has to take it into the shop today, it is a $1000.00 repair. Yes it is covered under the warranty, but I believe that there is a deductible, lol. Life is good.
Listening to B.B. King - Blues Summit
I had a joke posted earlier, but it was lame and I decided to remove it. I received the following in an email celebrating National Girlfriend and Sister's Week.
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
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Update - Progress has been made at the house of torture. I am up to 10 minutes on the treadmill at level 3.5 and 4 minutes on the elliptical machine at level 4 without asthma attack or bodily revolt. I even managed to add a second set of crunches and reverse crunches in. Aaahhh, feel the burn.
The ex has decided that at his age (56), the only way for him to pick-up women is to color his hair. He has asked me to help him in this endeavor. So, having been unsuccessful in my attempts to convince him that this was an unnecessary procedure, I have agreed. After he visits the local barbershop and gets all the excess hair removed, we shall go shopping. Hair and mustache color for men. He is already asking my advise on how to pick-up women. OMG - I just tell him to be himself and flirt like he normally does. I also told him to go to different bars than I go to. WTF, lol, I am your cruise director, welcome to Ex's 'R Us Dating, Inc.
The truth is out - I am NOT ashamed
Shamelessly whored from Kimisutra
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Update - This is a must see - LMAO!
Nothing much new happened over the weekend. I went out Saturday night as usual, there was an older group of people (mid 40-mid 50's) in the bar for a change, yeah! The younger crowd was also there, but it was nice to not be out numbered for a change. I danced the night away. Sunday was spent pretty much lazing about. I lead such an exciting life.
Today I need to go down to the Social Security office and stop them from taking money out of my check for services that I don't want and didn't ask for. I hate that! I need coffee, more later when I wake up.
Ok, more on Saturday night - I was sitting at the bar chatting with a small group of the older folk and having a wonderful time. Among them was the Gentleman. He is attractive, age 56, owns his own business and his own home, has a truck and a motorcycle (Harley Davidson), he's a widower, two grown children, intelligent, charming, witty and an above average dancer. We spent a great deal of the night talking and dancing. After about an hour he asked me for my phone number. Now this man is definitely relationship material, problem is, it is way to soon for any of that. I told him that I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready to date. So I wouldn't give him my number. We talked and danced some more, and had a lovely evening with the rest of the group. Later we all met up for breakfast. The Gentleman and I sat and talked for two hours over breakfast, he once again asked for my number. I once again refused. After breakfast I drove home, I got in about 4:30 a.m.
I don't think that I would have given him my number even if I was ready to date. I enjoyed his company and did find him attractive, but there was no...spark. I don't know, perhaps if I was at a different place in my life.
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Happy Ostara. It is the Spring Equinox today. Welcome, Welcome, thrice Welcome to Spring!
Unconscious Mutterings
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I saw it at Redheaded8itch and thought it looked like something fun to do!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is: Broomhilda
I may seem: loud and wild.
People who know me think: I'm weird but basically a good person with a good sense of humor.
If you knew me you'd probably: either like me or hate me.
Sometimes I feel: insecure.
My days are pretty: dull and boring.
Yesterday: all my troubles seemed so far away...
In the morning I: grab my smokes and coffee and turn on my computer.
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: traveling.
Money: not the most important thing in the world, but it would be nice to not have to worry about it.
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: new teeth.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: too much stuff.
All you need is: love, dut da da da da.
All I need is: money, plastic surgery and a new place to live.
If I had one wish it would be: to lead a happy fulfilling life.
Love is: a wonderful gift.
If I could see one person right now it would be: I'm not saying.
Something I want but I don't really need is: I can't think of anything.
I live for: I'll get back to you on this one.
I am afraid of: spiders.
It makes me angry when: people are judgemental.
I dream about: all sorts of naughty things.
I daydream about: Scotland.
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From Jokes 2 Go
How Smart Are You? ------------------
20 Correct - Genius
17 Correct - Above Normal
15 Correct - Normal
8 Correct - Nincompoop
6 Correct - Moron
3 Correct - Idiot
QUESTIONS
1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?
8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?
****************** Answers ****************
1. Yes
2. One
3. All of them (12)
4. The beggar is her sister.
5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
6. 6
7. No - because he is dead.
8. They aren't playing each other.
9. 70
10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.
11. 2
12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel)
13. The match.
14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.
15. 1 Hour
16. 9
17. None - Noah took them on the ark.
18. Meat
19. 12
20. Same as it is now.
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This is me. Taken at my sisters on March 17 2005. She got me before I could smile.
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Are these some kick ass shoes or what?
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yes those are my legs.
Had a great dinner at my sisters house yesterday, her younger son, age 17, shaved his head. He now looks like Fester Adams from the original Adams Family television series, lol.
I went out to celebrate afterward. I got home at an obscene hour with shamrocks stuck all over and two green glowing corona stickers stuck to me. A good time was had.
I have narrowed down the name of the car to - Silver Raven - after it's color and my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem or Howard. I didn't get a snap yesterday as it decided to snow.
I'm waiting for sister to send me the pics she took yesterday so I can update my pic on the blog.
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Update to earlier post - I have switched from blogger comments to Haloscan and in doing so I have lost all previous comments. It will, however, allow me to banish unwanted miscreants to the netherworlds.
To all my friends who celebrate it I wish you all a Happy St, Patrick's Day!
For more on the history of the day.
It's cornbeef and cabbage day in our family, a tradition from the McNeil side of the family and one of the few we have left. I'm not sure when this one got started, but it has been going on as long as I can remember. So I will be going over to my sister's house today for the big meal. Then out to the bar for some celebrating.
On a different note, it seems that I have a stalker. Some crazed meathead who has decided they don't like me. Fine, I'm ok with that. I do have to wonder though, normally when I don't like someone, I don't bother wasting my time on them. This person, seems to have decided to hang out in my comments section. They have even gone so far as to have created a blog page so as not to be accused of hiding, which leads me to believe that they may be the one and only anonymous. They claim to be pagan, but their attitude is clearly fundamentalist Christian.
So I have the following announcement to make to you bitcheewitch - Get over yourself and get a life. This blog is mine and you are not welcome here. This is my life and I make the rules. Your opinion means shit to me. I have had enough of assholes thinking that they had the right to do what they want to me or to tell me how I am supposed to live my life. From a father that thought he had the right to fuck me, a husband who thought he had the right to beat the shit out of me, a partner who belittled and nearly suffocated me with his passive aggressiveness and a family who treats my like I am a brainless child instead of a grown woman with a 137 IQ. I will not take that crap from anyone anymore. Especially someone who's IQ is obviously lower than the size of their penis.
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In time for tomorrows St. Pats. Celebrations - Beer worth drinking
What will they think of next
From Goyk.com
Children's Books That Never Made It
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Bruce
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the Rotweilers
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
24. Used Toilet Paper and Your Babysitter
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
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My sister called today to see if I was coming over on Thursday for cornbeef and cabbage - a family St. Patrick's day tradition since before I was even born. I am seriously considering it. I know they have been asshats, but I would get the chance to see my nephews, whom I dearly love and miss. I love cornbeef and she can cook. I will get the chance to see what other marvels of thought they have come up with. The whole thing has actually become comical in a way.
She has suggested that I name my car the Nimbus 2002. I don't think so. I think I'll just call it something like Broomhilda's broom or broomy for short. Maybe silver broomy. Broomhilda's most bodacious silvery asskickin ride. The witch mobile. Broomy's flyer. The Wiccan wagon.
Any suggestions?
Used Car Lot
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed
... so we're just waiting.
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Took silver (the car) out visiting last night. I am liking it. We went to see my Aunt, then to dinner then out to visit my best friend. It really handles well. I am supposed to go to the house of torture today. Ever the graceful one that I am, I slipped on the stairs leading down to the dungeon this morning. Now my hip and knee are not cooperating with me, looks like I will be using the cane today. Tylenol is kicking in so the pain is going away. Life is still good.
Listening to Diana Krall - When I look in your eyes
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I am mobile! Doing the happy dance. I now have a car of my own. Things are looking up. The Ex took me to the Chevy dealer in Antioch today. He saw that they had some pretty good deals advertised on used cars. I was able to (on my own - no co-signer) a 2002 Chevy cavalier. Payment are 200. a month with the extended warranty. Yes, I can afford it. 49,000 miles, a lot, but not excessive. And my insurance will not be costing an arm and a leg. Things are on a definite up swing. Who cares if my family thinks that I am a heartless bitch, that I am an emotion free zone, because I don't walk around weeping every second of the day. Fuckem if they can't take a joke. Life is good.
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All in all I had a very good weekend. I went out friday night, stayed sober and had some fun. Saturday I met my friends for our monthly coffee and bullshit session, always fun. Saturday night I went out again. I know I usually only go out one night a week, but after my family pissing me off, I needed to blow off some steam. I drank far too much, had a really good time. And thanks to a very good looking young man (age 31) my ego has been stroked, and I feel more relaxed than I have in a long time. I didn't get home until about 9:30 Sunday morning. I remember why I don't drink much, It took all day Sunday to recover. lol. I don't think I will be drinking like that again anytime soon.
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Unconscious Mutterings
English Genius
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4:34 p.m. I just discovered that my family thinks I am stupid. Oh, they are still under the impression that the reason I broke up with the X is the menopause. Now they believe that I have no brains. That I will not be able to live on my own. They are under the impression that I don't know how to handle money or know how much things cost. Hummm. Interesting, especially considering that I am the one that has been paying all the bills, balancing the check books, reconciling the accounts, etc... for the past 12+ years. Oh, and I was the one that handled my grandmothers estate for the last 2 and 1/2 years of her life. But I haven't a clue.
Direct quotes - "Where is she going to find a place to live? A studio or kitchenette isn't going to be big enough for all her stuff. Where does she think she's going to come up with all this money to store all her stuff? Storage bins are expensive." Obviously they have never heard of a moving sale. What won't fit, gets sold.
I think that those buttmuchin asshat fucktards need to put down the crack pipe, get a clue, and leave me the fuck alone.
I've posted a new poem to my poetry blog.
I received this as an email from Manic Witch and I just had to share.
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis.
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I was just in the dungeon having a smoke and thinking, (which we all know is a dangerous thing for me, the thinking that is) and I had a "light bulb" moment. An absolutely brilliant idea for a moving, thought provoking topic in which to babble on about. In the time that it took me to finish my cigarette and come up the stairs, the thought had completely leaked out of my head!
When I was young, I would have the occasional Brain Cramp. No big deal, happens to everyone. Now that I am in my middle years I find that I have succumbed to that dreaded disease known as Sometimers. This horrific affliction, while related to the Brain Cramp, is much worse.
Symptoms - the feeling that one is losing their mind as random thoughts leak from the brain at an alarming rate. The inability to remember the things that one wants to remember. The "duh" factor sets in - eg. "where the fuck are my glasses?" After about 20 min. of searching discovering that one is wearing them or "where did I put my keys?" After the tear apart the house and purse cussing the whole time search, discovering that they are in one's pocket. And perhaps the worst symptom of all, the disruption of thought in the middle of a sentence, it really is...
I fear that unless a cure can be found, it will develop into Most-timers.
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For some odd reason, blogger is not allowing me to leave comments on anyone's blogs this morning.
I am feeling better, but this damn cold is trying to hang on. I am very happy that they make tissue with lotion in them or my poor nose...
...my taste buds are back to normal, yeah! For awhile there everything tasted, what I imagine cardboard must taste like. My brain, while still going through periods of fog is returning to its normally warped state.
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While out checking my favorite blogs, I was turned on to one of our neighbors to the north. Canadian Chad Van Gaalen, pop on over and give him a listen. Thanks to Letting Loose with the Leptard for posting the info. about Chad and the link.
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I just whored this http://jesuspenis.ericschwartz.com/media/video/JP_Full2.wmv from KimiSutra
Dumb Warnings the sad part is without the warning - you know some idot would sue.
Unknown Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows
Unknown Blow Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping
White-Westinghouse 1600 Blow Dryer Keep away from water
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Life saving device This is NOT a life saving device!!!
Various Computers Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
Various Desktop Computers (written on the screen) No screen detected
Giant Bucket of Pickles used in Fast Food Restaurants Warning: Children can drown in bucket, do not place kids in juice
Fender Guitar Made in America. Parts from Japan. Assembled in Mexico.
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Here are some more weird laws
United Kingdom
All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.
Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
A license is required to keep a lunatic.
USA
In my town of Zion
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
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Some Weird Laws
Ventura County, California- Cats or dogs can't have sex without a permit.
Sarasota, Florida- It is illegal to wear swimwear while singing a public place.
Chicago, Illinois- A hat pin is considered a concealed weapon.
Michigan- It is illegal for a woman to cut her hair without her husband's consent.
Minnesota- It is illegal to mock skunks.
Brainerd, Minnesota- Every man must grow a beard
Ohio- It is illegal to sell beer while wearing a Santa Claus suit, even if you are a dog.
Seattle, Washington- It is illegal to sell lollipops. Suckers are fine.
Virginia- All bathtubs must be outside, not in the house.
Toronto, Canada- It is illegal to ride a streetcar on Sunday after eating garlic.
Cleveland, Ohio- It is illegal to capture mice without a hunting license.
Arizona- It is illegal to hunt camels.
Kentucky- It is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Louisana- It is illegal to rob a bank, and then shoot the teller with a water pistol.
Indiana- It is prohibited to bathe in the winter.
Kentucky- You must take a bath at least once a year.
Alaska- It is illegal to look at a moose from a flying vehicle.
Atlanta, Georgia- is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Idaho- It is forbidden by law for one citizen to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs
more than 50 pounds.
New York State- It is illegal to shoot a rabbit from a trolley car.
Somalia, Africa- It is illegal to carry old gum on the tip of you nose.
New Jersey- It is illegal to slurp soup.
Miami, Florida- It is illegal for a man to wear a strapless gown.
Mesquite, Texas- It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Connecticut- It is illegal to walk across the street on your hands.
Avignon, France- It is illegal for a flying saucer to land in the city.
New York- It is illegal to do anything against the law.
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Please note the headline here - WTF?
Another man cuts off penis, eats it From: NEWS.com.au
apparently this has happened more than once.
"In the beginning there was nothing... which exploded."
-- The shortened Big Bang theory
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Calories we burn whilst having sex! Hummm, makes one think.
From jokes 2 go
The Big Horse Race
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
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Signs that You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web:
1) Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
2) You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
3) You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
4) You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
5) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
6) You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
7) You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
8) Your dog has his own webpage.
9) So does your hamster.
10) When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
Found on jokes.humorsearch.com
Found on Jokes 2 go
I HAD A BAD DAY
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The angel sat back and though for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died." "Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!" The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me about the day you died," said the angel. "OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a Refrigerator......."
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Second post of the day - I feel like death warmed over. Just took a sinus tab, feels like my head is going to explode any minute. Drinking some tea to settle my stomach. Cranky, whiney, pouty... I think I need a nap. I didn't sleep well last night, woke up every couple of hours, hot one minute, cold the next. Bizarre dreams, must have a low grade temp. I know, bitch, bitch, bitch... I don't care. This is how I get when I'm sick. Gonna cuddle up under a blanket in the recliner and try to sleep a bit.
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This I found over at Psychedelic Armadillo my friend H. R. M. Queen of the Universe has a wicked sense of humor and is always posting links like this...
She and I both recommend that If you are Wiccan and can't laugh at yourself, don't click on the above link.
Ok, these are some recent hits I've had;
funny angry expressions particularly to someone who is menopausal - Why?
"freres Jackman" - Komputamuso - your getting more famous.
magick witch irish hex spell - looks like someone's up to no good
misty champagne and workout trainer - someone's definitely up to something, ya think?
Listening to - Mary Chapin Carpenter - Party Doll and other favorites
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From Gullible
Political candidates are three times more likely to have a mental disorder of some sort than the general public. That explains a lot!
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Me and my sister in 1963. I'm the one on the right.
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Pattycake has been after me to give her the recipe for the Love Attracting Oil that I made as part of the Love attracting spell I did for her. She likes it as a perfume, and since I make my own signature perfume, I thought I would go ahead and share it.
Love Attracting Oil
20 dr. Musk Oil
(sexual desire)
10 dr. Patchouli Oil
(passionate love)
10 dr. Rose Oil
(love)
20 dr. Dragon's Blood Oil
(energy, protection, purification, to increase potency and effectiveness)
2 tbls. Jojoba Oil
(as a base)
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I have returned triumphant from my first session at the house of torture. I actually managed 3 full minutes on the elliptical machine before my body went into revolt and legs threatened cease working if I did not stop immediately. I managed a full 45 minute workout today. I am sure that this will increase to a full hour as I progress. I feel pretty good. I will be mixing up a bath-oil for sore muscles in the event I didn't stretch enough. The following oil mix is a good warming blend, I use it for colds as well. (use only essential oils)
¼ cup Sweet Almond Oil
½ tsp. Grain Alcohol
6 dr. Tea Tree Oil
12 dr. Rosemary Oil
12 dr. Eucalyptus Oil
Add oil blend to warm, not hot, bath water and soak for 15 – 20 min.
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Kim over at Bacon and Eh's is always coming up with some of the craziest links.
I highly recommend you check out her blog.
Here are a few for your entertainment.
Sudden Giant Nostril Gallery
Drunkin Sexual Hangman
The Measure of a Man
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I'm tired today, My friend Pattycake called last night and we went out for a while. After she dropped me off I went back out. I got in late, sober, but late. The ex is sick so I ran some errands for him today. Needless to say, I didn't get to try out my exersize DVD today. Tomorrow is day one at the gym. I should make it an early night tonight.
I just shake my head in wonder at this...
Ewww
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Have been editing most of the day - AAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!! My eyes, my eyes!
Done listening to Boz Scaggs, now listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival.
That is all!
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I just returned from seeing Dr. Bubblehead - wonder of wonders, I actually get seen on time today! Well, I didn't actually see her, at first, I saw a resident. I don't mind them so much, I mean they got learn some where right? And it's a psychiatric exam, not an invasive one. So I go over my history (yet again) with student doc. Same old questions:
How long have you known you were bipolar? since 1992
Are you having/how are your mood swings? fine, not currently
Do you use drugs? not currently
When was the last time you used drugs? about 1993
Do you drink? every chance I get, ok, sometimes.
Do you feel like hurting yourself? No
What medication are you on? Topiramate
How is it working? fine
When were you last hospitalized? look in the computer - about 1995
Then he goes to get the Bubblehead and I wait, and wait, and wait some more.
She comes in, tells me I look good, asks me how I feel, tells me to come back in 3 months.
Good news blood pressure 117 over 74, yeah. I lost another 12 pound since the last visit, YEAH!
Doing the happy dance!!!
Back to work now.
Currently listening to Boz Scaggs
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Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:02 PM
I had an excellent workout at the house of torture. I have my routine worked out. Treadmill first - I'm up to 12 minutes now. Then I do all my other exercises, I'm up to 2 sets of each. Then the dreaded elliptical machine last. I worked, I was able to actually walk to the car without my legs going into revolt. A DNWAT moment
I then go over to the building where the pharmacy and Dr. Bubblehead's office are located. My prescription has been mailed out! This is a GUSSHWACIFG moment! It is a good thing that the Bubblehead is not in on Thursdays. The lovely woman at the pharmacy, understanding that I am completely out of medication, tells me to come back in 10 minutes, they will give me a 10 day supply. A DNWAT moment. I walk over and visit with N, the lovely woman who works in the Women's Stress Disorder Clinic. She weight me in, I've lost another 10 lbs, since March 1. A DNWAT moment! I go back, pickup my meds and head home.
I get home and my first stop is the bathroom or as my European friends call it, the loo. There it sits, a scout for the spider militia. I back out slowly, cursing. This is one of those times that I don't mind that the ex shares the house with me.
Ex - Oh for Christ's sake, it's only a little spider
Me - Shhhh, it will hear you. It's a scout for the spider militia.
Ex - Are you on drugs?
Me - No. I'm telling you, they are plotting a military coup on the house.
Ex - Get out of the way.
He goes in and kills the offending creature.
Me - Oooohhh, you've done it now. They will be after you, instead of me now.
I do feel somewhat relieved, however, I shall not let my guard down.
I fire up my trusty computer and what do I find, I have a comment on my blog. But not just a comment. The European Blog Queen herself, Zoe from My Boyfriend is a Twat has paid me a visit. This is a proud moment for me, if not for the adrenalin rush from the spider encounter, I may have fainted dead away. Definitely a DNWAT moment.
I am off to the house of torture in a little while and then to pick up my prescription. I just hope that Dr. Bubblehead ordered my meds and that they are there waiting for me. The pharmacy at the VA tends to screw up every now and then. I just hope that they haven't been mailed out. If so, that would mean, no meds for a week. Posting could become rather stranger than usual. I will keep a positive outlook for now, chant with me: they will be there awaiting me, they will be there awaiting me, they will be there awaiting me.
Listening to Disturbed
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:03 AM
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror,
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, her husband
uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
" If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of
toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds. "
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and
stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
" How long will this take ? " she asks.
" They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. " Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the
years ? "
Without missing a beat the husband says
" Worked for your butt, didn't it ? "
His Therapist says with a good deal of time and attention
he may live a normal life again...
Stupid, Stupid Man.... :)
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:25 AM
the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and
says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:22 AM
Right now, I need coffee!
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:48 AM
I should have known. I have been up since 3 a.m. Woke up all hot and sweaty, having very erotic dreams about a certain man. I couldn't go back to sleep. My modem is acting up so it took forever to log on, shades of things to come. Ok, I finally get logged on, check my email, yadda yadda yadda. I go to the dungeon for a smoke, there to greet me at the bottom of the stairs is a big fuckin' spider!
Now, I do not like spiders, I do not like them on the stairs, I do not like them in the air, I do not like them anywhere. I squealed like Ned Beatty's character, Bobby Trippe, in Deliverance. I managed, in my near panic, to exterminate the evil spawn and send it back to the netherworld from whence it came. I continued on and had my cigarette, which helped to calm me. I returned to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.
NO!!! It's evil twin is hanging from the ceiling in front of the fucking coffee pot!!!!!! I am having visions of the movie Eight-legged Freaks now. Giant mutant spiders will be coming after me. I will be found in a rather large cocoon, totally emaciated, having been completely drained of all bodily fluids.
I resist the urge to run screaming into the street (especially as I am still in my night clothes) and run out of the room to gather up my courage. Upon my return I discover that the evil thing is gone. I turn on the light, no sign of it anywhere. I quickly pour my coffee and leave the room. There has still been no sighting of the beast, I am sure that it has been out marshalling the troops and is at this very moment working up its battle plan. They are watching and waiting, it will probably be a night attack.
Ok, so I go upstairs to get dressed for my foray to the house of torture. About halfway up the stairs I trip, there is nothing on the stairs to trip over. I swear that I hear a high pitched giggle, fucking spiders are behind this, I just know it. My sweatpants are nowhere to be found. Carefully, I make my way back down the stairs, I find them hanging in the laundry room. I head back upstairs, slowly, carefully. I dress, come back downstairs, brush my teeth, brush my hair and put it in a ponytail. I am ready.
I arrive at the house of torture without incident. I decide to vary my workout by using the elliptical machine first. I think that since I have such a hard time with that machine, I'll get it out of the way. BIG MISTAKE!!! Legs go into immediate revolt, I must do all of my upper-body workout before even attempting to do the rest of the lower-body workout. I barely am able to walk out to the car. I will leave that damn machine for last!!!
I am so wiped that I forget to go over to Dr. Bubblehead's office. I last saw her on March 1. She was supposed to order meds for me. So I wait the customary 7 business days for them to arrive in the mail, no meds. I call N, a lovely woman who works for the clinic, she emails the Bubblehead about the meds. I wait another 7 business days, still no meds. I call again, I now have enough meds for tonight and tomorrow night. I have to pick up my prescription on Thursday. If Bubblehead thought I was hostile before, just wait and see if my script isn't there on Thursday. I will fire her ass again.
From the VA I went out to Antioch to pick up the license plates for Howard the car. They even put them on for me. I got a block from home when I got held up in traffic. It seems that every duck in the county decided to cross the road from the hospital to the pond at the same time. I don't run down ducks, it makes them taste flat. I did get a show while I waited. The young man in the black pickup truck facing the opposite direction was mining his nose for gold. He had his finger in to the second knuckle! EEWWWW!
I finally arrived no worse for the wear. I began my post but took a break to make something to eat. My lunch exploded in the microwave. I have cramps and am out of Midol. I need a shower and need to shave my legs, but I am afraid of hot water and sharp objects at the moment.
As I attempted to post this, I lost half of the post and had to re-type it. I think I need a nap.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:15 AM
Eat the Chocolate, Not the Box
Butt Prints in the Sand
One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet."
"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
-unknown-
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:08 AM
In Transition
I've moved beyond the maiden form
From whence I was immortal
Soon leaving the mother form behind
Where still I had forever
In transition myself I find
A life to be examined
Reconciling with the past
Confronting the darkness within
Glimpses of just who I am
And who I wish to be
Grandmother Sage I call to you
Your wisdom I do seek
Help me see what I push away
Find the lessons learned
Move past the fear and anger and pain
Accepting myself for me
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:20 PM
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!
They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS!
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What did you ask me?
Unconscious Mutterings
- I'm waiting:: for you
- Speak:: your mind
- Roger...:: Daltry
- Knock knock:: knockin on heaven's door
- Hybrid:: combined
- Can't believe my eyes:: or my ears
- Hooked:: on a feelin', I'm high on believin'...
- Pontificate:: preach
- Slime:: ball
- Unwelcome:: mat
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:41 AM
I whored this pic. from Kim at Bacon and Eh's as well. Pretty bunny.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:16 PM
I have been whoring from Kim again.
What Happy Bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
The Truth about The Easter Bunny
12:50 p.m. I got home about 20 minutes ago, an interesting development last night. I went out to my usual haunt and was having a so-so time. It was rather dead in the place so I left and went to the other place I like to go to for a while. When I came back, about an hour and a half later, the beautiful young man that I had posted about on March 14th was there with his SIL (brother's wife). He had come looking for me. As soon as I walked in the door he approached and guided me over to where they were sitting to join them.
We left rather early and dropped his sil off. Then back to his place for a couple more drinks. I have not slept on a waterbed since 1980 something, I forgot how comfortable they are. I just discovered that he programmed his number into my phone and I have a feeling he has probably retrieved my number as well. Except for this nasty sinus headache, I feel very relaxed.
When it rains it pours. I had no intention of seeing Beautiful Young Man again, until last night. Hot guy (posted about him on Feb 10th and 16th) has been calling about once a week, now that he has moved out on his own. Although we have met for a quick drink, we have made no definite plans to go out. And then there is the Gentleman, who I have not seen since last weekend and have no plans to. What is a woman to do?
Cheap, fast, good, Pick two
The difference between Genius and Stupidity
is that Genius has its limits
Do It !
It's easier to get forgiveness than permission
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark
I'm not panicking. I'm watching you panic. It's much more entertaining
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:50 PM
What do ya' call 13 Witches in a hot tub?
A: Self-Cleaning Coven
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
A Fairy Tale for the Woman of the New Millennium
Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.
That night, on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought:
I don't freaking think so
Listening to Nazareth - Greatest Hits
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:24 AM
A little pagan humor
I'm not a bad witch - I'm a grumpy witch
Mumble, mumble, mumble ... POOF!
You say " Witch " like it's a BAD thing!?
Witches use brooms because nature abhors a vacuum
It's hard to soar with Dragons when you work with Gargoyles
Of course I'm in a bad mood -- Someone just dropped a house on my sister !
My body is a temple. Wanna come over for Midnight Mass ?
Will the deity who nailed the Kosmic Karmic " KICK ME " sign to my back, kindly remove it?
C.R.O.N.E. Creative Researcher Of New Experiences
:Pagan Standard Time: Means
If a ritual is scheduled for 6 pm people show up around 9 pm and the ritual finally gets started at 10:30 pm
If a ritual is scheduled for 6 pm people show up around 9 pm and the ritual finally gets started at 10:30 pm
You Finally Know You're a Witch When:
When cleaning house you have to specify "Where is the broom? No, not THE broom, Where is the one to clean the floor with ?
Friends know they can always give you candles and incense as a gift
You ask for Halloween off, because it's a religious holiday
When watching old re-runs of Bewitched, you find you side with Samantha's mother Endora
There are more jars of strange smelling plants in your cupboards than there are cereal boxes
When cleaning house you have to specify "Where is the broom? No, not THE broom, Where is the one to clean the floor with ?
Friends know they can always give you candles and incense as a gift
You ask for Halloween off, because it's a religious holiday
When watching old re-runs of Bewitched, you find you side with Samantha's mother Endora
There are more jars of strange smelling plants in your cupboards than there are cereal boxes
When the whole family thinks your weird But your the first person they call on to Bless their new house
When your playing cards with a friend and the cards tell you more than what they are holding in their hand
When the whole family thinks your weird but have you read the cards/runes for them every chance they get
Whenever some one falls ill your the one they call .... before they call the doctor
Anything weird happens and and you feel like a sub branch of ghost busters ...who ya gonna call ?
When your playing cards with a friend and the cards tell you more than what they are holding in their hand
When the whole family thinks your weird but have you read the cards/runes for them every chance they get
Whenever some one falls ill your the one they call .... before they call the doctor
Anything weird happens and and you feel like a sub branch of ghost busters ...who ya gonna call ?
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:48 AM
Your Silence
Your silence is deafening.
Have I lost my friend?
The icy vacuum of unknowing
Cuts me to the quick
Reaching out for understanding
Hit by the invisible wall
What offense have I committed?
Cup of explanation not passed
My heart in tear stained pieces
Haunted by friendships specter
Your silence is deafening.
Have I lost my friend?
The icy vacuum of unknowing
Cuts me to the quick
Reaching out for understanding
Hit by the invisible wall
What offense have I committed?
Cup of explanation not passed
My heart in tear stained pieces
Haunted by friendships specter
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 1:27 PM
To all who celebrate this weekend as Holy: I wish you Happy Easter. May love, light and peace be in you life and heart.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 8:56 AM
Sleep Evades
Sleep evades, the mind whirls
Loneliness rears it's ugly head
Insecurities rise to the surface
Playing games with emotions
Stresses from the week replay
Is a friendship lost?
Feeling cemented into place
Yearning to move forward
Breaking free chains of the past
One link at a time
Sleep evades, the mind whirls
Loneliness rears it's ugly head
Insecurities rise to the surface
Playing games with emotions
Stresses from the week replay
Is a friendship lost?
Feeling cemented into place
Yearning to move forward
Breaking free chains of the past
One link at a time
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:50 AM
In dreams tender embrace
You were there
A whispered kiss of passion
You were there
Soft caresses in the dark
You were there
Waves of pleasure enveloping
You were there
Intimacy and ecstasy erupt
You were there
Whispered kisses and caresses
You were there
Sleeping in dreams tender embrace
I awake alone
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:28 AM
H. R. M. Queen of the Universe just emailed this to me - try it.
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute ...
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator .....
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 .... If you haven't, add 1754.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number .
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are ...
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 6:06 PM
Your a fuckin good KISSER
WOW your a good ass kisser u need to call me shit! lol
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:31 PM
I now have my own car. He has sole responsibly for the care and maintenance of the other car. The catalytic converter went out on his car, he has to take it into the shop today, it is a $1000.00 repair. Yes it is covered under the warranty, but I believe that there is a deductible, lol. Life is good.
Listening to B.B. King - Blues Summit
I had a joke posted earlier, but it was lame and I decided to remove it. I received the following in an email celebrating National Girlfriend and Sister's Week.
It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:26 AM
The ex has decided that at his age (56), the only way for him to pick-up women is to color his hair. He has asked me to help him in this endeavor. So, having been unsuccessful in my attempts to convince him that this was an unnecessary procedure, I have agreed. After he visits the local barbershop and gets all the excess hair removed, we shall go shopping. Hair and mustache color for men. He is already asking my advise on how to pick-up women. OMG - I just tell him to be himself and flirt like he normally does. I also told him to go to different bars than I go to. WTF, lol, I am your cruise director, welcome to Ex's 'R Us Dating, Inc.
The truth is out - I am NOT ashamed
Shamelessly whored from Kimisutra
| Somewhat Debacherous You are 50% pure |
 |
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The 100 Point Sexual Purity Test written by ocicat on Ok Cupid |
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:33 AM
Nothing much new happened over the weekend. I went out Saturday night as usual, there was an older group of people (mid 40-mid 50's) in the bar for a change, yeah! The younger crowd was also there, but it was nice to not be out numbered for a change. I danced the night away. Sunday was spent pretty much lazing about. I lead such an exciting life.
Today I need to go down to the Social Security office and stop them from taking money out of my check for services that I don't want and didn't ask for. I hate that! I need coffee, more later when I wake up.
Ok, more on Saturday night - I was sitting at the bar chatting with a small group of the older folk and having a wonderful time. Among them was the Gentleman. He is attractive, age 56, owns his own business and his own home, has a truck and a motorcycle (Harley Davidson), he's a widower, two grown children, intelligent, charming, witty and an above average dancer. We spent a great deal of the night talking and dancing. After about an hour he asked me for my phone number. Now this man is definitely relationship material, problem is, it is way to soon for any of that. I told him that I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready to date. So I wouldn't give him my number. We talked and danced some more, and had a lovely evening with the rest of the group. Later we all met up for breakfast. The Gentleman and I sat and talked for two hours over breakfast, he once again asked for my number. I once again refused. After breakfast I drove home, I got in about 4:30 a.m.
I don't think that I would have given him my number even if I was ready to date. I enjoyed his company and did find him attractive, but there was no...spark. I don't know, perhaps if I was at a different place in my life.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:19 AM
Unconscious Mutterings
- Stink:: weed
- Renewal:: rebirth
- I remember...:: mama
- Loneliness:: dispair
- Ooooh:: aaahhhh
- For real:: not plastic
- Titanium:: strong
- Get down:: and boogie
- Rupture:: rip
- Dramatic:: entrance
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:34 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My name is: Broomhilda
I may seem: loud and wild.
People who know me think: I'm weird but basically a good person with a good sense of humor.
If you knew me you'd probably: either like me or hate me.
Sometimes I feel: insecure.
My days are pretty: dull and boring.
Yesterday: all my troubles seemed so far away...
In the morning I: grab my smokes and coffee and turn on my computer.
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: traveling.
Money: not the most important thing in the world, but it would be nice to not have to worry about it.
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: new teeth.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: too much stuff.
All you need is: love, dut da da da da.
All I need is: money, plastic surgery and a new place to live.
If I had one wish it would be: to lead a happy fulfilling life.
Love is: a wonderful gift.
If I could see one person right now it would be: I'm not saying.
Something I want but I don't really need is: I can't think of anything.
I live for: I'll get back to you on this one.
I am afraid of: spiders.
It makes me angry when: people are judgemental.
I dream about: all sorts of naughty things.
I daydream about: Scotland.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:05 AM
How Smart Are You? ------------------
20 Correct - Genius
17 Correct - Above Normal
15 Correct - Normal
8 Correct - Nincompoop
6 Correct - Moron
3 Correct - Idiot
QUESTIONS
1. Do they have a 4th of July in England?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
4. A woman gives a beggar 50 cents; the woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother. How come?
5. Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
6. How many outs are there in an inning?
7. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Why?
8. Two men play five games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
9. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
10. A man builds a house rectangular in shape. All sides have southern exposure. A big bear walks by, what color is the bear? Why?
11. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
12. I have two US coins totaling 55 cents. One is not a nickel. What are the coins?
13. If you have only one match and you walked into a room where there was an oil burner, a kerosene lamp, and a wood burning stove, which one would you light first?
14. How far can a dog run into the woods?
15. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How long would the pills last?
16. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
17. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
18. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10'' tall. What does he weigh?
19. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
20. What was the President's name in 1950?
****************** Answers ****************
1. Yes
2. One
3. All of them (12)
4. The beggar is her sister.
5. He can't be buried if he isn't dead.
6. 6
7. No - because he is dead.
8. They aren't playing each other.
9. 70
10. White. The house is at the North Pole so it is a polar bear.
11. 2
12. 50 cent piece and a nickel. (The other one is a nickel)
13. The match.
14. Half way. Then he is running out of the woods.
15. 1 Hour
16. 9
17. None - Noah took them on the ark.
18. Meat
19. 12
20. Same as it is now.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:58 AM
This is me. Taken at my sisters on March 17 2005. She got me before I could smile.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 2:27 PM
Are these some kick ass shoes or what?
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 12:01 PM
Had a great dinner at my sisters house yesterday, her younger son, age 17, shaved his head. He now looks like Fester Adams from the original Adams Family television series, lol.
I went out to celebrate afterward. I got home at an obscene hour with shamrocks stuck all over and two green glowing corona stickers stuck to me. A good time was had.
I have narrowed down the name of the car to - Silver Raven - after it's color and my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem or Howard. I didn't get a snap yesterday as it decided to snow.
I'm waiting for sister to send me the pics she took yesterday so I can update my pic on the blog.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:36 AM
To all my friends who celebrate it I wish you all a Happy St, Patrick's Day!
For more on the history of the day.
It's cornbeef and cabbage day in our family, a tradition from the McNeil side of the family and one of the few we have left. I'm not sure when this one got started, but it has been going on as long as I can remember. So I will be going over to my sister's house today for the big meal. Then out to the bar for some celebrating.
On a different note, it seems that I have a stalker. Some crazed meathead who has decided they don't like me. Fine, I'm ok with that. I do have to wonder though, normally when I don't like someone, I don't bother wasting my time on them. This person, seems to have decided to hang out in my comments section. They have even gone so far as to have created a blog page so as not to be accused of hiding, which leads me to believe that they may be the one and only anonymous. They claim to be pagan, but their attitude is clearly fundamentalist Christian.
So I have the following announcement to make to you bitcheewitch - Get over yourself and get a life. This blog is mine and you are not welcome here. This is my life and I make the rules. Your opinion means shit to me. I have had enough of assholes thinking that they had the right to do what they want to me or to tell me how I am supposed to live my life. From a father that thought he had the right to fuck me, a husband who thought he had the right to beat the shit out of me, a partner who belittled and nearly suffocated me with his passive aggressiveness and a family who treats my like I am a brainless child instead of a grown woman with a 137 IQ. I will not take that crap from anyone anymore. Especially someone who's IQ is obviously lower than the size of their penis.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:21 AM
What will they think of next
From Goyk.com
Children's Books That Never Made It
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Bruce
4. Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the Rotweilers
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
24. Used Toilet Paper and Your Babysitter
24. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
25. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:11 AM
She has suggested that I name my car the Nimbus 2002. I don't think so. I think I'll just call it something like Broomhilda's broom or broomy for short. Maybe silver broomy. Broomhilda's most bodacious silvery asskickin ride. The witch mobile. Broomy's flyer. The Wiccan wagon.
Any suggestions?
Used Car Lot
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.
Were they trying to steal it?
"Heavens no, we bought it."
"Then why don't you drive it away."
"We can't drive."
"Then why did you buy it?"
"We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed
... so we're just waiting.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:25 PM
Listening to Diana Krall - When I look in your eyes
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 6:48 AM
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 3:39 PM
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:41 AM
- Shape up:: Or ship out
- New Orleans:: Anne Rice
- In the bedroom:: Playtime
- All the time:: being myself
- Philosophy:: Plato
- Tyler:: Steven
- Disturbed:: Aren't we all just a bit
- French kiss:: ummmmm
- Solidify:: commit
- Furtive:: glance
| English Genius You scored 93% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 83% Expert! |
| You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go! Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it! For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/. |
My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid |
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:23 AM
Direct quotes - "Where is she going to find a place to live? A studio or kitchenette isn't going to be big enough for all her stuff. Where does she think she's going to come up with all this money to store all her stuff? Storage bins are expensive." Obviously they have never heard of a moving sale. What won't fit, gets sold.
I think that those buttmuchin asshat fucktards need to put down the crack pipe, get a clue, and leave me the fuck alone.
I've posted a new poem to my poetry blog.
I received this as an email from Manic Witch and I just had to share.
The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the male penis.
This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2005 your penis will be taxed according to size.The brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00
Effective January 1st, 2005 your penis will be taxed according to size.The brackets are as follows:
10"- 12" Luxury Tax..........$30.00
8"- 10" Pole Tax.............$25.00
5"- 8" Privilege Tax.........$15.00
4"- 5" Nuisance Tax..........$3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS
*****NOTE*****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:-
Sincerely, Pecker Checker IRS
*****NOTE*****
We are still waiting for answers for the following questions:-
Are there penalties for early withdrawals? - What if one's penis is self employed? - Do multiple partners count as a corporation? - Are condoms a deductible expense as work clothes? - Is there an additional tax if you are not circumcised?
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:05 AM
When I was young, I would have the occasional Brain Cramp. No big deal, happens to everyone. Now that I am in my middle years I find that I have succumbed to that dreaded disease known as Sometimers. This horrific affliction, while related to the Brain Cramp, is much worse.
Symptoms - the feeling that one is losing their mind as random thoughts leak from the brain at an alarming rate. The inability to remember the things that one wants to remember. The "duh" factor sets in - eg. "where the fuck are my glasses?" After about 20 min. of searching discovering that one is wearing them or "where did I put my keys?" After the tear apart the house and purse cussing the whole time search, discovering that they are in one's pocket. And perhaps the worst symptom of all, the disruption of thought in the middle of a sentence, it really is...
I fear that unless a cure can be found, it will develop into Most-timers.
Listening to Koko Taylor - Queen of the Blues
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 8:53 AM
I am feeling better, but this damn cold is trying to hang on. I am very happy that they make tissue with lotion in them or my poor nose...
...my taste buds are back to normal, yeah! For awhile there everything tasted, what I imagine cardboard must taste like. My brain, while still going through periods of fog is returning to its normally warped state.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:29 AM
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:20 AM
Dumb Warnings the sad part is without the warning - you know some idot would sue.
Unknown Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows
Unknown Blow Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping
White-Westinghouse 1600 Blow Dryer Keep away from water
Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
Life saving device This is NOT a life saving device!!!
Various Computers Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue
Various Desktop Computers (written on the screen) No screen detected
Giant Bucket of Pickles used in Fast Food Restaurants Warning: Children can drown in bucket, do not place kids in juice
Fender Guitar Made in America. Parts from Japan. Assembled in Mexico.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 4:37 AM
United Kingdom
All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.
Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
A license is required to keep a lunatic.
USA
In my town of Zion
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:51 PM
Ventura County, California- Cats or dogs can't have sex without a permit.
Sarasota, Florida- It is illegal to wear swimwear while singing a public place.
Chicago, Illinois- A hat pin is considered a concealed weapon.
Michigan- It is illegal for a woman to cut her hair without her husband's consent.
Minnesota- It is illegal to mock skunks.
Brainerd, Minnesota- Every man must grow a beard
Ohio- It is illegal to sell beer while wearing a Santa Claus suit, even if you are a dog.
Seattle, Washington- It is illegal to sell lollipops. Suckers are fine.
Virginia- All bathtubs must be outside, not in the house.
Toronto, Canada- It is illegal to ride a streetcar on Sunday after eating garlic.
Cleveland, Ohio- It is illegal to capture mice without a hunting license.
Arizona- It is illegal to hunt camels.
Kentucky- It is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Louisana- It is illegal to rob a bank, and then shoot the teller with a water pistol.
Indiana- It is prohibited to bathe in the winter.
Kentucky- You must take a bath at least once a year.
Alaska- It is illegal to look at a moose from a flying vehicle.
Atlanta, Georgia- is illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
Idaho- It is forbidden by law for one citizen to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs
more than 50 pounds.
New York State- It is illegal to shoot a rabbit from a trolley car.
Somalia, Africa- It is illegal to carry old gum on the tip of you nose.
New Jersey- It is illegal to slurp soup.
Miami, Florida- It is illegal for a man to wear a strapless gown.
Mesquite, Texas- It is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts.
Connecticut- It is illegal to walk across the street on your hands.
Avignon, France- It is illegal for a flying saucer to land in the city.
New York- It is illegal to do anything against the law.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:28 AM
Another man cuts off penis, eats it From: NEWS.com.au
apparently this has happened more than once.
"In the beginning there was nothing... which exploded."
-- The shortened Big Bang theory
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:11 AM
From jokes 2 go
The Big Horse Race
Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post:
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 8:13 AM
| It's Not Sex. It's ... : Filling the Creme Doughnut |
| Your Porn Star Name is: Sandra Spreadum |
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 6:13 PM
1) Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
2) You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
3) You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
4) You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
5) Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
6) You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
7) You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
8) Your dog has his own webpage.
9) So does your hamster.
10) When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
Found on jokes.humorsearch.com
Found on Jokes 2 go
I HAD A BAD DAY
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the following day. So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly told the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day you died." "No problem." said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them. Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for this guy. My wife was half-naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him! Just as I was going to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me! Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more, so in a rage I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The angel sat back and though for a moment. Technically, the guy DID have a bad day, and it was a crime of passion, so he announced, "OK, Sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next guy came up. "OK, here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about the day you died." "Sure thing" the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on my fingers! Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes on the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!" The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter. A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate. "Tell me about the day you died," said the angel. "OK, picture this, " says the man. "I'm naked inside a Refrigerator......."
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:52 AM
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:08 AM
She and I both recommend that If you are Wiccan and can't laugh at yourself, don't click on the above link.
Ok, these are some recent hits I've had;
funny angry expressions particularly to someone who is menopausal - Why?
"freres Jackman" - Komputamuso - your getting more famous.
magick witch irish hex spell - looks like someone's up to no good
misty champagne and workout trainer - someone's definitely up to something, ya think?
Listening to - Mary Chapin Carpenter - Party Doll and other favorites
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:35 AM
Political candidates are three times more likely to have a mental disorder of some sort than the general public. That explains a lot!
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:31 AM
Me and my sister in 1963. I'm the one on the right.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 10:06 AM
Love Attracting Oil
20 dr. Musk Oil
(sexual desire)
10 dr. Patchouli Oil
(passionate love)
10 dr. Rose Oil
(love)
20 dr. Dragon's Blood Oil
(energy, protection, purification, to increase potency and effectiveness)
2 tbls. Jojoba Oil
(as a base)
Swirl the oil to mix, do not stir.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 9:31 AM
Written by Jadon over at This Hapax Legomenon
fo(u)nd
when trust becomes a tender age
between stages that belong,
there comes unstable ground
left behind like buried treasure
just to be safe
where doppelgangers of desire
can become fully conscious
after missing in actions
collected like exhibits
too attached to the walls
which prompt the realization
across the longing distance
to test the unavailability
like poltergeists that disrupt
out of jealousy
to honor and to cherish
unsure facts and fantasies
not yet discovered to be
fleeting afterimages
...at the heart of the void.
Listening to Robert Cray - "Sweet Potato Pie"
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:02 AM
¼ cup Sweet Almond Oil
½ tsp. Grain Alcohol
6 dr. Tea Tree Oil
12 dr. Rosemary Oil
12 dr. Eucalyptus Oil
Add oil blend to warm, not hot, bath water and soak for 15 – 20 min.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:03 AM
I highly recommend you check out her blog.
Here are a few for your entertainment.
Sudden Giant Nostril Gallery
Drunkin Sexual Hangman
The Measure of a Man
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:27 AM
I just shake my head in wonder at this...
Ewww
Completely asinine
From Gullible
• When he was the prinicpal owner of the Texas Rangers, George W. Bush briefly flirted with the idea of changing the team's name to The Texas Alamos, until an assistant told him that Texas lost the Battle of the Alamo.
• Errant champagne corks kill more than two dozen people every year. One third of fatal champagne accidents occur at weddings.
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 7:55 PM
Done listening to Boz Scaggs, now listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival.
That is all!
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 5:00 PM
How long have you known you were bipolar? since 1992
Are you having/how are your mood swings? fine, not currently
Do you use drugs? not currently
When was the last time you used drugs? about 1993
Do you drink? every chance I get, ok, sometimes.
Do you feel like hurting yourself? No
What medication are you on? Topiramate
How is it working? fine
When were you last hospitalized? look in the computer - about 1995
Then he goes to get the Bubblehead and I wait, and wait, and wait some more.
She comes in, tells me I look good, asks me how I feel, tells me to come back in 3 months.
Good news blood pressure 117 over 74, yeah. I lost another 12 pound since the last visit, YEAH!
Doing the happy dance!!!
Back to work now.
Currently listening to Boz Scaggs
Broomhilda worshipped the goddess at 11:03 AM
About Me
It's OK to laugh during sex - just don't point!
Name: Broomhilda
Age: 49
About Me: Living in oncomming traffic and staggering my way through life.
Interests Writing, Watching movies, Listening to music, SHOES, Ren. Faire
Favorite Colors: Red and Purple
Favorite Band: Aerosmith
Favorite Music: Just about everything except rap. I just don't get rap.
Favorite Actors: Alan Rickman and Gary Oldman
Favorite Movies: Citizen X, Bram Stokers Dracula, Like Water for Chocolate, Amelie, Sense and Sensibility, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Whale Rider, Just about anything with Alan Rickman, Gary Oldman or Johnny Depp and many many more
Favorite Books: Anything Edgar Allan Poe, Mythology esp. Celtic, Earth's Children series, Harry Potter series, and too many more to list.
Religon: Wiccan/Pagan
Currently: Going mad.
EMail me at wiccavic2002@yahoo.com
Links
-
Disclaimer
The Clothesline Project - Help break the silence of domestic violence
MY POETRY BLOG
My Wish List
The Music of the Jackmans
Curtiss Lowe & The Reverb Kings (Dem some good blues)
Alternative Religions Education Network
WitchVox
I Am A Witch
God Checker Your Guide To The Gods, Mythology With a Twist
Democratic Underground
Malicious Bitch - For Women Who Just Ain't Gonna Take It No More
The Huffington Post
Gamer's Realm
Blogs I Like
Blogroll Me!
Rate Me on BlogHop.com!
help?
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